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I need help. I'm a 19 year old female and I have a boyfriend who I have been with for a year now. I have jealousy issues really badly and I know if they don't change I am going to lose someone who means a lot to me. Whenever I am going out somewhere ( club, dinner, with a new girl around) I see it as a competition to try and look more attractive than her. When he even looks at another girl or smiles and makes any kind of interest towards her I get into this really bad mood. I feel like I'm worth nothing anymore and that I'm ugly again. It's gotten to the point where I will just get really quiet and I don't want to be around him. There was one night that really bothered me. we went to a braves game with our friend and his "attractive" cousin. She was pretty but he made the extra effort to talk to her and it bothered me. Every little thing she did seemed to be funny to him. I explained my feelings and everything towards him and he said " he can't help he gets nervous around attractive women sometimes."

We also had recently talked about his bachelor party and how he thinks it would be okay for him to go to a strip club... but this would kill me.

We were really good friends before we started dating and we actually went to a strip club together and it never bothered me. Looking back on this now does. I don't know what to do at this point. It's only an issue when I am with him... otherwise it doesn't bother me. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!
Usually jealousy is caused within yourself. You are insecure about yourself, you may feel that you're not good enough for your boyfriend, you may have low self esteem. Don't feel this way! Try to boost yourself up and find ways to reassure yourself that you are worthy to be loved. It is true what they say - you have to love yourself before you can love others! Being jealous isn't healthy. So, write down all the GREAT things about you! Keep reminding yourself of what is positive about you, and believe it all. Also, it might help to not be so much involved or worried about your relationship right now. Find things that make you happy alone, get involved in activities that make you feel proud of yourself. When you are more secure within yourself, you'll have no reason to be jealous of any other girl, because you'll know that you have things to offer your boyfriend far beyond anything the other girl could, and you'll be confident that he's with you and only you, and hey if he isn't, then you know that you can find someone else.

As far as the strip club, that's a different story, in my opinion. I had the bad experience last spring of watching my boyfriend on his birthday at the strip club. It didn't bother me to watch him on-stage in front of everyone, which is what they do on birthdays -- they invite the Bday boy on stage and have him sit in a chair and a line of strippers take turns sorta giving him a mini lap dance. They do it in a funny way, and since it is in front of everyone at the club and therefore not intimate, it doesn't bother me. I'm secure enough in myself to know my BF finds it funny too and any sort of attraction he'd have is normal and nothing to worry about. Plus, a bunch of other guys are staring at the strippers too, so its not like my boyfriend and some girl are being intimate together. HOWEVER, last spring one of my boyfriend's friends bought him a $20 lap dance. For that, he had to go to the back of the club to a private couch! My BF should have refused; he didn't and I was so mad. Thankfully I was there. I went to the back and sat next to him during the "dance." The lap dance was basically this stripper sitting on my BF's lap topless, then dry humping him during two songs! I was moritified, completely upset and hurt! That wasn't a jealousy issue, I don't think --- it was that my BF was having an experience with another woman. Needless to say, I made a HUGE deal out of it and it will NEVER happen again.

So, you might just want to talk to your BF about that, and how it would make you feel. HOWEVER, are you even engaged? Are wedding plans even in the works? I mean, when exactly is this bachelor party? You might sound a bit paranoid and a bit of a winer if you bring this up before it even happens.

Anyway, looking at naked strippers, in my opinion, is just something men do. The female body is beautiful, afterall. But the intimate lap "dances" are something that should be only for single men.

Well, work on your own self esteem and be more secure in yourself, and the other jealousy issues will fade away. And especially don't be jealous of your BF's cousin. Just think if he were jealous of you and a male cousin of your's - yuck, right?

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