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This is kind of complicated, so let me see if I can articulate this well enough for people to understand!

My roommate's ex-boyfriend and my current boyfriend were friends before either of them started dating us because they were from the same town and had hung out quite a few times with mutual friends. My roommate had been dating her boyfriend for about 3 years and I started dating my boyfriend a year ago. She and her bf were involved in a long distance relationship, but my bf went to the same college as us, so we were in the same town.

Towards the end of last year, my roommate started hanging out with another guy, while simultaneously still dating her long-term long-distance bf. This other guy would walk her home on weekend nights, they would talk about their feelings for each other, hold hands, etc. My boyfriend was witness to all of this as he often came home with me and saw what was going on.

For graduation, my roommate's bf booked a (very expensive) flight to come and watch her graduate. We all went out that night, but he was tired from his flight and slept in her bed while we all went to the bar. While at the bar, she met the other guy she had been hanging out with, and proceeded to hold hands with him, sit on his lap, etc. He even walked her home, all while her boyfriend was sleeping in her bed. My boyfriend was with us the whole time and of course saw everything. Two weeks later, my roommate broke up with her boyfriend (finally).

A month later, she called me, telling me that she had just talked to her ex, and he told her he knew about everything (the other guy, the fact that she was all over him at the bar while he was asleep in her bed, etc.). She was livid and didn't know who told him, but the only thing she could think of was that it was my boyfriend, since he saw everything. She asked me to tell him to please keep his mouth shut and mind his own business, which I agreed that I would. I called my bf and asked him if it was him who told, and he said that it wasn't. My roommate has asked me about it several times since, and I have said honestly that i had no idea who told.

well, last night my boyfriend finally admitted that it WAS him who told--he ran into her ex at a bar. her ex said that he "knew something was going on," and my bf told him the story because he thought that he had a right to know.

i'm in kind of a dilemma now because i KNOW my roommate will ask me again, and should i lie to protect my boyfriend or should i tell her the truth? if i tell her the truth, she will hate him and I will be expected to be mad at him too. The only reason I am mad at him is because he lied to me in the first place. Also, we are all going to be together this weekend for the first time since graduation, and I'm afraid my aggressive roommate is going to confront my boyfriend, and I will be expected to take sides. I really, really don't want any drama between the two, and I really don't want to be in the middle, which I already am, unfortunately. Any opinions on this?
i know that i posted this issue a long time ago, but there has been an update, unfortunately. Nothing major happened that weekend (like I was afraid it would), so I decided to put it in the back of my mind and just forget I even knew anything.

I went back to school this weekend for homecoming. My boyfriend is still in school and the roommate in question (we'll call her "lexie") is going to grad school there. I met up with another old roommate, we'll call her "Sarah," saturday morning, who used to live with both me and the other roommate. she had a few too many drinks and ended up telling me that she wasn't supposed to tell me this, but she had talked Lexie and that Lexie's ex-boyfriend called her a week ago and told her that it was my boyfriend who told him everything. Lexie told Sarah that I broke her trust by telling my boyfriend everything and that she was going to stop telling me anything about her personal life anymore. Basically this friendship is going down the tubes and I'm not supposed to know about it. After telling me this, Sarah promptly left, leaving me standing alone completely stunned and to the point of tears. It was basically like, "oh, lexie hates you and is blaming you and your boyfriend for everything, but you're not supposed to know about that. See ya!" She probably didn't think it would affect me like it did, but as I mentioned before, I am a huge wuss when it comes to conflict and I HATE having anyone mad at me, especially when I can't defend myself or try to make peace. I'm almost positive that Lexie thinks that I lied to her, which I didn't, because when she asked me about it, I honestly didn't think it was my boyfriend that leaked the info! I feel like I should tell her this, and I feel like I should tell her WHY my boyfriend told (he didn't call her ex up and tell him out of the blue, her ex ASKED for the information). I also feel like I should defend myself for the fact that I didn't TELL my boyfriend anything--he saw it with his own two eyes! But I'm not supposed to know anything about the current situation, so I can't bring it up.

I'm probably making too big of a deal about this, but I hate the fact that I am probably losing a friendship. I have never been the type of girl to put my boyfriend first and ditch my friends (I have had that done to me too many times to do it myself) and I don't want to let my relationship get in the way of a friendship, but I can't help but feeling that this friendship might not even be worth salvaging if she's going to blame me and my boyfriend for her behavior. As bad as I make her seem, she has been a good friend to me in the past and has been there for me in tough times.





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