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Relationship Health Message Board

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I think you're at a crossroads right now. If you're imaging what it would be like to be with other people, how are you going to settle down with your boyfriend for the rest of your life without experiencing that?

I got married when I was 20 to the same guy I had been with since age 17. I ended up having an affair when I was 22 because I wanted to know what it would be like to be with someone else (my husband wasn't my first however, but after 5-6 years with him it sure felt like it). My affair started in my head as "what would it be like to kiss someone else" and it soon developed into a "bad habit" (for lack of a better term). There were other factors involved, but one of the main ones was that I got married too young and didn't get to experience other things in life. I divorced him about a year later (not because of the affair necessarily, he never even found out about it, but I basically did leave him for someone else, still live with the guilt of that, I don't recommend it).

Anyway, I think it may be time for you to take some time apart from your relationship. He is across the country from you, working fulltime, while you're still in college with a totally different life. I know it can be so very hard to do that when you love someone so much. It does sound like you're not "in love" with him anymore --- I can tell you that for most relationships, that "in love" feeling does fade, it is natural, and it will probably fade again if you fall in love with someone else someday. But, I think of that as a part of life.

OK, but while I say that, and that the "in love" feeling faded with my ex, and that I think it does fade with every relationship -- I've now been involved in a 4 year long relationship with someone else and while the goosebumps have faded some, I believe the "in love" feelings have not faded as much as they did with my ex... Meaning, the guy I'm with now is probably much more suitable for me. Maybe the spark and the in love feeling can last. This has helped me justify my divorce in a way.

It sounds a bit like you and your BF are just assuming you'll be together always. That's not a good thing to assume, as anything can happen in life. If you just assume you'll always be together that can cause you to take each other for granted.

I think you should weigh out the pros and cons of taking a break. Know that one of the cons is going to be that you might lose him forever. But, what would the pros be for you?

And, know that what you're going through is very common. Seek advice from the friends and family who know you best.

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