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Hi Ruth- Thanks for your post.

[B]Truthfully I've learned that we have to be willing to accept others as they are.
If that's not possible, we need to back away from that relationship.[/B]


I couldnt agree with you more...and I think thats why Im feeling the way that I am, is b/c I feel the need to back away from her and its upsetting me. Its not that I take it personally, b/c I dont at all. It just makes me very angry. I get frustrated with her over the way she just cuts everyone out b/c she wants to/cant deal with whatever is going on in a different, maybe more appropriate way. No matter what other people might have going on in THEIR lives, it doesnt matter. I guess I just really disagree with it. I think also if something happened like a death, a bad breakup, a family crisis, it would be understandable. But this stuff just comes out of NOWHERE- I will call her one night wanting to talk about something, and she just wont call back for days. And I have no clue what happened. I want to accept her as she is, but I find it incredibly hard to do so when she pulls these reactions. I see friendship as being there for each other consistently; in this situation, she doesnt let me be there for her, and shes not there for me.

Maybe being there for her is by just letting her go and do this. I have thought about that too, but after awhile, the more I get cut out and ignored, the more I just stop caring and the more irritated I get.

As far as whether or not she has a problem, Ive never thought of it that way before. I think she might have some form of clinical depression...? Her brother has severe depression, and tried to commit suicide a few times in the past. I have known her for about 5 years now, but Ive only been super close with her for maybe 2. Shes always been a closer friend than most, but the past year or 2 we've been inseperable. She lives with 2 roommates here in NYC. She never seems quite happy, and shes admitted before how insecure she is and how low her self-esteem is. Theres always some mood shes in, to be honest...it just varies in intensity. One day she'll be overly chipper and call me 6 times in the day; the next day she completely ignores me. I dont know her parents well enough to confront them about this. Plus, I think a lot of the way she deals with her problems is from her upbringing. Her cultural background primed her to never show her emotions (so she says). And her family never expressed any emotion or talked about their problems. THat may have a lot to do with it.
The problem is that she IS knowingly cutting me off, b/c now she tells me so(before she didnt, which was even worse). I also feel like she can be very hypocritical (part of the mood swings maybe) b/c not only will she try to convince me of how I feel, but she will get on me for being upset over something in my life, and then turn around and get 10 times more depressed over a similar situation in HER life. Its just hard to understand what shes all about. I feel confused a lot by her.

I dont know. Maybe Im just venting. I really do love her. I just dont know how to take her lately. Even if I do fear that she has a chemical imbalance, its not like she will listen to me and do something about it...Ive tried. She bites my head off if I try to get her to talk about any problem shes having, plus she wont even pick up her phone. So, maybe I am feeling selfish, but if she would let me in, I would try to help her and therefore maybe be able to see it more from her side (and learn that she really cant do anything to help this). Instead, Im completely shut out, ignored, and dont know why...and I think its just starting to build a lot of resentment, as this is one of many times this has happened.

*Bulletproof I didnt see your post before. You always write such nice responses to my issues. I do have very high expectations of people, but I think that stems from having amazingly high expectations of myself. I just try to be the best possible person I can...sometimes at the expense of what I want, which Im working on. I know I have to either accept her as this way or leave it...





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