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I'm having a hard time today. I don't seek advice from here anymore about my relationship because I never take it; the advice is always that I should move on. I give advice on here to others telling them the same, but I do so with the understanding that they might not be ready for such advice.

Recently, mainly over the summer, the way my boyfriend has treated me has been a dream come true. He apologizes, never says anything even remotely abusive and also listens to what I say, does what I say, talks about a future with me, puts me ahead of all other women, doesnít even mind that Iíve put on a few extra pounds, kisses me often, and he has even put me above his friends (and football team), which is a first for the more than four years weíve been together. Of course we still have fights, but they are short, and they usually end within like an hour, usually with both of us apologizing and discussing the issues like mature adults (no joke!). Weíve been spending just about every night together for months, happily practicing a normal routine. I havenít even HAD to write on here about any of our issues.

So last week we had a great week together. On Friday he tells me he'll be at the bar after work. Oh, I should also mention he does not have a car right now, so I usually pick him up from work Ė part of our routine. The bar is right across the street from his work. Well, being it is Friday, he's meeting a friend at the bar. That's fine with me -- gives me time to go home and shower before I join him at the bar.

So I arrive around 7 p.m., and I hang out mostly with this girl I know, play some games, etc.ó a very typical night. My BF and I had agreed that we would only be spending time at the bar until the Twins (baseball) game was over. But after the game, it didn't look like we'd be leaving soon. I was VERY tired and my BF knew this. So at around midnight, I tell him I'm leaving. He says he is staying because it is his friend's birthday at midnight (heíd been there since like 4). I say I'm not buying him more drinks (after he asked) and that I'm leaving. He seems upset, tells me "fine then, leave."

I do believe that he wishes I would wait so that I could buy him more drinks and go home with him so that I could drive him to work in the morning, as we previously discussed, as is our normal routine. Of course he doesnít tell me that, instead he actually tells me to leave because he thinks I'm complaining. So I'm tired, I leave.

On other nights, I've stayed in these situations and he has changed his mind. But even so, no one really did anything wrong; he wanted to stay at the bar with his friend and I was tired and wanted to go to bed. So we both got what we wanted, right? But this incident has caused a great big blemish on what was our almost perfect relationship.

On Saturday, I go to his work because I was right down the street for an appointment. This isn't psycho of me to do after such an incident; in fact, most often, my BF will ask me to visit him like this at work. However it is obvious he is still upset with me. He thinks I should've been more patient the night before, yet at the same time thinks I should've left sooner instead of complaining. We talk in circles like this; he even mentions that 3 other girls were hitting on him (an obvious lie that I roll my eyes at, as guys are hard-pressed to find a single girl at our dive bar). Iím upset too, but I leave to get him some lunch anyway (which is something I do often for him). I figure when I get back he'll have cooled off. Well, I couldn't find a place to park when I got back so I had to drop his lunch off. He then calls to tell me to make other plans for the night, and to talk to him on Sunday.

OK. So I make plans with my girlfriend for that night. I really had plans with her anyway. But, my BF calls at 5 p.m. when he is off work and wants to know if I can still take him car shopping. We had talked about doing so before, but not that day. Of course he says that we did talk about it that day, but oh well he says, and he acknowledges that he did tell me to make plans with someone else, because I told him I couldn't make it as I was meeting my friend for the concert we had planned on (and he was also invited to attend, but said earlier in the week he didnít want to go).

So things seemed fine. I go out with my friend. Usually, I will go to his house after such an event, even though we weren't getting along, and we might make up at this time. But on Saturday I was very tired, had a few drinks, and since I wasn't sure what was in store for me at my BF's (he has no phone either), I decided to go home and hit the hay.

Sunday I watched the Twins win the division, and I know my BF was at home watching this, too. After the game I went to his house. He had been sitting on his couch relaxing, pretty much since he got home on Saturday night. This was the truth, I do believe based all available evidence. He does like his alone time. He says he's not mad at me. We agree to go get a beer together.

One thing I must mention here is that I bought a "new" used car one week ago, and since then it has been having a few problems, which has me very stressed. So everywhere I go, I think it is going to break down on me and strand me there. Obviously it can be annoying to be with someone so paranoid like that. While we were having beer and dinner at a restaurant, I was nervously twitching my hands, thinking about my car. After that, I decided that I should go home, because I was worried my car would break down and if it did that, I'd rather have it happen in my parking lot. I tell him I'm going to my dad's tomorrow night so he can look at it. I drop him off at home, as he didnít want to come with me, and we kiss good night.

Monday, he doesn't call, which he normally always does. So I call him. I had a stressful day (had issues about getting rid of my old car), and say I don't feel like going up to my dad's. He says "aren't you going to get your car fixed?" At this point, I should mention that my BF works at an auto mechanic shop -- though he just does the simple stuff, but his work buddy mechanics will agree to do cheap work for me on the side. However, my dad is also an ace at fixing cars. He says I can bring my car to his shop, but at the same time, sounds upset with me, says something like "why do I have to help you. You know [mechanicís name] so you can ask him for help." I say, well then I might be up there later. Then, a few minutes later, I decide that I will go up and see my dad instead. So I call the BF to tell him I've changed my mind. He is upset, says that he already told the mechanic he could expect some extra money tonight and now I'm backing out, and that he will never help me with my car again. Big drama, he tells me not to come over that night. He shouldn't have been that upset because I changed my plans, my plans were never concrete with him anywayÖ

But, I think he was really upset because he wouldn't have me there with him, to pick him up, cook him dinner, etc., etc. -- all the things I would have done had I took my car to his shop. Because I didnít take my car to his shop, he probably had to struggle to find a ride home, probably didnít have dinner last night because he canít drive to the store, probably had to wear dirty clothes today because his dryer doesnít work (he usually does it at my house), etc. etc. However, he doesn't tell me these things. I wish he would say how he really feels, that he wants/needs my help, instead of getting upset at me. So I go up to my parents (an hour away), then come home to my place, alone.

Today: I email him, I forwarded him an email he had sent me last Wednesday, which told me how much he loves me. In it, I say that I'm confused. No response.

Then, at work, I found out today I received an award for being a good employee---a BIG deal that comes with $250!!!---so I'm super excited (I desperately need new clothes!) I can't help but call him to (hopefully) share in my joy. He is unresponsive. He says he doesn't want to hang out tonight, again. He offers no reasons why. He says he is busy and can't talk.

Now I'm very upset. Here I'm super happy about something good finally happening to me, and I have no man to share it with. I so badly want a man who loves me; I want it to be him. I know he does love me; you can't be that genuine and lie at the same time; he's told me so many times how much I mean to him, etc., etc.

Iíve had a very stressful past week and a half and because of that, I havenít been able to focus my time and attention to him like I normally do. First, my car died, so then I had to find a way to get rid of it. I also had to get a new car, which was a very good thing for me, but of course I had to re-evaluate my budget. With that, my two months notice was due to my apartment, so I had to decide if I wanted to renew my lease for another year or move--big decision. And of course work is stressful, bills are stressful and my family can be stressful.

Iím so confused about all of this. What is he thinking? To the very good advice-givers out there who were able to make it through this LONG post, does it seem to you that he is:

a) upset that I havenít been paying the typical amount of attention to him
b) worried and feeling insecure because I am improving my life, such as with my new car, getting my finances together so Iím not living paycheck to paycheck, etc.
c) basically just ďnot that into meĒ and only really using me for the services I provide (car, money, laundry, food, etc.)
d) just wants a few days to himself to wait it out until Iím not such a stress mess
e) all of the above
f) something else?





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