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Hi there,

First of all -- there are plenty of other women on these boards who've delt with just as big of a-holes as I've delt with! And, they all give awesome advice, too!

But from what I remember your bf's drug use was a deal breaker for you. And you're pretty much too young to settle down anyway. I married a guy who I had dated for 4 years when I was only 20 and he was 29. It lasted only a few years and for several reasons: first off he was abusive and controlling (but it did get better), but I also cheated on him with several different guys because I had low self esteem and I just generally wanted to experience more in life because I had been with only one person for so long at such a young age. So, I think you are making the right decision about moving on and getting over your ex-bf.

With that being said, so he agreed that he owes you this money and that he will give it back to you? Do you have to go see him in order for that to happen, or can he just mail you a check? If you have to go see him, are you sure there aren't other motivations behind the visit, because really, I can't see why he couldn't mail you a check.

Taking that into consideration, because you still want to sleep with him you probably still have feelings for him. I really don't recommend going to see if that's the case. If your feelings were gone you'd have no desire really to want to do anything physical with him. That is how I am with my exhusband. I had to go back to his house a few months ago (but this was after years) and although it was sort of awkward (I met his new wife) it was OK and actually pretty normal, but that's because our feelings are all gone, very much gone.

If you're afraid of showing him how much he's hurt you, but you want to move on, then you should just have him mail you a check. If you want to move on, definately don't let any jealousy or physical attraction get the better of you. It'll be a mistake. If you don't want to date someone who smokes pot, then you can't date him, because he's not going to change. Otherwise, make the visit very quick. Have a back up plan -- say that you are on you way to do something else so you don't have much time. Then get your money and run!

You have to just focus on the bad things about him. Of course there were good things, but the bad things outweighed the good. There are plenty of other guys who can provide you with the good things, minus the bad. Someday you'll find someone who treats you like you deserve. Good luck!

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