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Relationship Health Message Board


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Ive been posting a lot of random questions lately, but this one is definitely up there. I was chatting with two of my girlfriends today, and of course each of us had a different opinion on the topic, so I wanted to post it up on here to see what everyone thought (I love this site).

The topic was whether the fact that a girl sleeps with a guy immediately (first date, first encounter, whatever) would make it impossible for a relationship to develop afterward. My 1st friend said it makes absolutely no difference, my 2nd friend said that no one would want to date you after u do that immediately, and I was stuck w/ an opinion somewhere in the middle:

I've heard that phrase "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" so many times that there HAS to be truth to it. It does make total sense. But (Im going to be a bit candid here so I hope Im not met with huge judgments), Ive been in a situation or two where I have accidentally gone too far with someone I was majorly attracted to even tho I wasnt planning to. Funny thing is, Ive never actually had a one-night stand...they always turned into a 2nd, 3rd, 4th time, etc. Pretty soon it was a 4-month or so thing, in which the guy is buying me dinner and taking me out, but it never turned into a committed relationship. I either get attached and they arent, or I get pissed off due to the lack of commitment and end it, knowing i deserve more.

But, I have ALSO spent 2+ years in a sexless reltsp with someone I loved b/c he was waiting for marriage. I even considered being a born-again v. when he broke up w/ me...but that didnt last. ;) So despite what a guy may think according to this cow phrase, I am by no means one of those girls that just de-values it completely. I think guys that stick to this mentality can often miss out. I have been an amazing gf, am a quality person in general, and at one pt or another have had a little too much fun...oops. But I guess I am made to feel guilty about this by thinking that if I do go too far one night, I will only be looked at with disrespect and the guy will only use me for that in the future. And what ends up happening is that, while i think Im ok with the situation at 1st, I end up getting my hopes up, and then feeling guilty and horrible about the fact that the guy prob. would never want to make me his gf, regardless of how I feel about HIM. So I can see how a relationship is just likely to never develop.

So we were all discussing this and we all had very different opinions over the truth of the matter. I guess Im just curious as to opinions. Also- has anyone started off what became an actual committed relationship this way? Im 24 and part of me wants to revel in my youth and new single status and enjoy myself; but part of me is a traditional girl at heart (and my 2nd friend especially is) and we both agreed that it often makes u feel as tho ur self-worth is being questioned when a guy continues to see u for a no-strings-attached situation, even if u really are a quality girl.





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