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I think my bf is planning on buying me a ring for X-mas. I want to marry him...but, I don't think the time is right. I lost my grandma on July 31st. She was my world, my mom, my grandma, and my best friend. One of the hardest things for me to deal with was knowing she wouldn't be at my wedding, I'm not ready to deal with that, especially not at Christmas. Christmas is going to be hard enough this year.

I also, as much as I love him, have some concerns with our relationship. I know he loves me, but at times I wonder if he is completely over his ex-wife. I think partially because I am dealing with so many emotions and so much stress right now that the smallest things bother me, but also things he does I just don't agree with. I have never been a jealous person, and have always thought of jealousy to be so stupid and ugly, but I find myself wondering about every little thing, even in my sleep. I am constantly having dreams about the two of them to the point that I wake up angry.

I feel like such an idiot sometimes for these thoughts, but at other times wonder if I am having them for a reason. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I want to know for SURE that I am not playing second best.

How do I explain all of this to him, first off with not knowing "For Sure" that he is planning on buying a ring, and second without hurting him?





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