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My husband and I are due to have our first baby in about 4 weeks. Things should be great, right? Well, they are – except the in laws are about to drive me insane!

It all started a few weeks ago when my MIL threw a baby shower for me (they live 4 hours away from our home – thank goodness!). It was a lovely shower and I had a nice time, although these parties are always more about her than the guest. (long story!) With that aside, I personally thanked my MIL for the day with a hug and a kiss after the shower. I thanked her (and my FIL) the day we left their house to come back home. I believe it was a total of three times that I actually said “thank you” to them.

Well, I got home and did my thank you cards to the guests, and my MIL told my hubby that she didn’t think I appreciated the shower and that I was rude because I didn’t write her a card. I was very hurt by this. More so, because she would think I was that kind of person – not to appreciate her hard work and time spent on the shower. Goodness, didn’t she recognize the hug, kiss, and “thank you’s” I gave to her in person?

So, I could have lied and said the card was lost in the mail, but I went above and beyond and sent her flowers with a card that read, “thank you for the lovely baby shower…” She called and told me she got the flowers and we chatted for a bit. The subject never came up again. I learned my lesson – my MIL needs praise and something tangible when being thanked. (Just some background – she is very insecure and needs reassurance on everything!) Hubby and I never discussed it again and things seemed fine.

Well, she started again last week when she was talking to my hubby. She brought the issue up again – that I didn’t show enough gratitude and didn’t appreciate the shower – and that the flowers didn’t settle the issue. She also told my hubby that I didn’t have a good time at the shower, that I always try to avoid her when we go to visit, that I only tolerate her, that I don’t like anyone, that I go out of my way to be rude to her, etc. My hubby started to defend me (a big move on his part) and he told her she was ridiculous, that he wasn’t going to allow her to do this to me or us, that I am the love of his life and that she wasn’t going to come between us like this. It started a BIG argument over the phone and I felt so bad for my husband. He tried talking to his father about it, but I am afraid my FIL wasn’t much better. He only reiterated that my MIL said about me – as I was upstairs crying in our bedroom! They talk about me like I am not there!!!!

The worst thing she said to my husband was, “you know, you may have 2-3 wives in your life, but you only get one set of parents…” My husband told her that was the most “disgusting” thing to ever come out of her mouth.

So my husband gave it back to her and said, “you know what I really think mom, you didn’t have Kelly in mind at all when you planned this shower, you only had yourself in mind….” OUCH! Well, she hung up on him and they haven’t talked since.

I am so upset over this. I feel so bad for hubby. I am also hurt and mad that my in-laws can be so mean when this is such a happy time in our lives – and should be for everyone.

I also have to mention how they are also pissed at my hubby b/c they can’t stay at our house when the baby is born. The guest bedroom is now a nursery and they planned to come and visit us once the baby is born. They told us over the summer how they would get a hotel when they came out. Now they asked to stay on our sofa bed and my hubby told them it wasn’t a good idea – that they can visit us day and night, but that they needed to get a hotel. Plus, my FIL is 76 years old and my MIL is 58 – but very obese – we don’t think a sofa bed is a good idea for them – besides the fact that it will just be too much for hubby and I. My MIL told my hubby that she didn't want to come out now after the baby was born since she can't stay at our house.

It is all about control when it comes to my MIL. She tried to control our wedding and it caused some fights. Now a baby is coming into our lives and she is trying to control this situation. My hubby is setting some boundaries and my MIL can’t control us. I thought things got better over the years, but now I feel like we have taken a GIANT step back. I really can’t stand this woman and I find her beyond words. She is disabled and no longer works (because of her weight) and I swear that she has nothing better to do than to sit around and think of these things – and then blows up when she doesn’t get her way.

I am at my wits end! I don’t know where this will go from here or when we will talk next. I am also torn about what I should or should not say to her. I don’t think I can allow her to just say such horrible things about me and then just act like nothing ever happened when/if this passes. Is it my hubby’s job to take care of this? Where do I fit in?

Ugh! All I can say is that I really appreciate my own parents when things like this happen. I have the greatest mom in the world!!!!! Any advice would be appreciated.

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