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Interested or not?
Oct 16, 2006
Ok I feel a bit elementary school-ish about this thread, but here goes.

I keep finding guys that I just cant read whatsoever. I met this guy at a friend's party. Actually, my friends there offered their opinion that he was 'interested in me' before i even noticed that he might be. I just thought he was nice, cute and fun to talk to. We ended up talking all night, literally me and him alone in the booth, and we took a little walk after the party and ended up sharing a cab home b/c we both live close to each other. We exchanged #s, and that was that.

Nothing happened for a few days, and then I had noticed that he had added me as a friend on one of those stupid networking sites. So I sent him a message basically poking fun at him, saying "you don't call me, but you add me as a friend on this site?!" And I put a little wink sign so he'd know I was kidding. Basically I was just hinting around. A few days go by and I figured I would call him to say hi since I hadnt heard from him. He picked up, seemed happy to hear from me and we chatted until he got on the subway, then he immediately called me back b/c he had JUST read my message on that site and was laughing over how juvenile he had been and how I had called him out on that.

Fast forward to today. I work up by where he lives, and on my lunch break I was grabbing a coffee and decided to text him to see if he wanted to stop by (he had asked me a few times if I am ever up in his area). I figured he wouldnt b/c he was studying (he is getting his PhD). Well, he texted right back saying he couldnt stay long but he wanted to stop by to say hi. So he walked the 10 blocks or so out of his way. When he showed up, I went up to greet him, and he says "Hey BUDDY". (??!!) It was bad enough that he said the word 'buddy', but it also pretty much insinuated "I am not trying to date you whatsoever" imo. He also went in to to hug me but didnt and it was almost like he got a little flustered. So he came over and sat with me and we chatted and 2 min. into the convo this annoying man at a table next to us was apparantly eavesdropping & started talking to him about what he studies and WOULDNT STOP. The guy even kicked me under the table, so I knew he was annoyed too. Ten min. later, I had to go back to work, so I never even really got to talk to him. So he walked me out and then he got all serious and told me thanks for calling him and that we should hang out again. Then he said how annoying that guy was for not shutting up, and that we'd make up for it and talk soon.

Is he into me or what? I think the buddy comment kind of ruined it for me...but he also seems like the kind of nice, somewhat dorky sweet guy that just doesnt jump on a girl if hes into her (WHEW!! Sigh of relief). Part of me feels he just wants to be friends but part of me feels a lot of chemistry when we actually hang out. So Im not going to call him again until he makes a move...but I also like to pursue, and I just dont want to make an a** out of myself if I come onto him and he gets totally blindsighted. I dont mind being friends if thats all it is, but Im attracted to him so its hard to know how to act...friendly or interested?
Oh my goodness girl. Are you OK? OF COURSE HE IS INTERESTED IN YOU!! What man walks 10 blocks to spend some time with a girl for a little bit during the afternoon -- much less taking time out of his PhD studying to do so?!?!? And, what man spends all of his time at a party talking to just one girl unless he's interested in her? Afterall, this is a man we're talking about here. Unless he is gay or something, I don't think he'd spend this much time/effort into you, no matter how much of a great guy he is, they all think at least a little bit with their under regions in the back of their minds. So of course he is interested in you. The buddy comment -- that could mean that he is concerned that you're not interested in him. He must really like you, I think. He might be smacking himself upside the head for that comment, too. If you like to pursue, then pursue. I am sure you know your boundries right? Go for it!
look... if the guy wasn't interested he probably would not try and meet up with you. Men don't go out of their way to make female friends so he is interested in you... have you ever heard of the "ladder theory", if not look it up in the web. it will reinforce what I am saying.
I'm in the same exact situation. This guy I've been "seeing". Really don't know what is going on but the just friend line (in my opinion) has been crossed. He calls me buddy too and that confuses me to no end. Granted he is from the south so who knows. So, I feel your pain. It sucks not knowing and like you I tend to be the one who does the pursuing. So, just sitting back and letting things happen on there own is kind of hard for me...lol! And they say women are confusing. I hate to say it but as hard as it is I would just let things progress naturally. I know I am trying to do that myself with this guy of mine...lol! Always here if you need to chat.
Thanks for your input :) Well, hes definitely not southern- hes from Boston haha, and originally has some type of greek &/or middle eastern background. But who knows. I just always get confused with the really 'nice guys' who are all innocent and sweet b/c you can never tell if they are just trying to be friends or if they're interested- the guys that are super hot and sexy (and typically a-holes, in my experience at least) let you know right away! He hasnt called me so IIIIII dont know....but it is in the middle of his midterms so I guess I'll just have to see. Im just impatient, once I know I like someone, I go after them! Hehe.

*Oh, and Eve- I hear ya. But I just met this guy less than 2 weeks ago, so I'm gonna cut him some slack. But Id just like to know if he sees me as being a friend some day or something more...just, u know, so I know what direction to progress in.
[QUOTE=citygirl23]

*Oh, and Eve- I hear ya. But I just met this guy less than 2 weeks ago, so I'm gonna cut him some slack. But Id just like to know if he sees me as being a friend some day or something more...[/QUOTE]
CG, I get that, I mean two weeks isn't that long, but it is long enough to express interest in starting something. I'm not feeling that from what you've written. I'm at a point that if a man is romantically interested in me, just let me know with words or actions. I don't need, or want, to hear "I love you" after only two weeks, but for heaven's sake let me know you are interested and willing to do SOME of the work. That he might be willing to take some steps to starting something. After a few months I would expect some signs that he is willing to deepen the relationship, either that or I'd stop wasting my time and feelings.
Nice "light topic".

So - let's not worry about what the guy wants - what do you want. Do you want a guys who will "sweep you off your feet". Call you and spend 3 hours having coffee while looking deep in your eyes.

Of course some woment LOVE it when men take it slow - a friend of mine is with a GREAT women - the didn't have sex until they'd dated for about 6 months. Most men/women I know want someone who moves quicker then this.

If you feel he's not moving quick enough - showing you enough (doesn't matter if some thinks guys don't walk 10 blocks for a coffee unless there interested) - then move on. Maybe in a few weeks he'll call you - and move on quick enough.

Enjoy!!!

D
Hi there CityGirl,

Personally, I think that if a man fancies you then it is not a big deal who admits it first, and in a way, you are braver to do so. A man who likes a woman enough will be made up if she initiates a move. But this should be reciprocated soon afterwards.
You don't have to say it so many times for someone to get a hint, and you don't have to say it in words actually. That is why it is better to let him "respond" maybe?
You can also jusdge what type of person this new guy is, and whether he will value your honesty or not. Only you can tell because you met him.
WOW! I was just surfing through here and found this post, thanks City Girl.

I'm in a similar situation at work. One guy who seems to try to search for reasons to come to my cube (such as, "do you have an envelope" when there's 7 boxes in the mailroom) and I find him talking to me for about 30 mins and emails me cute jokes. Another guy gives me strawberry milkshake out of the blue and he has a girlfriend on the other side of the country and seems to always find time to "chat" with me... I have crushes on both of them and sometimes, situations such as these makes me wonder, whatever happened to men?

I think men are just as scared as we are (well, at least I am) when it comes to putting yourself out there and having it crushed and rejected. I've been single for a very long time and I've been longing to have a man in my life, but like you, I want to make sure it's the right one and taking it slow.

I think this guy is interested in you and I agree with Eve, if a man is interested, he'll get over whatever his issues are. And I also agree with another poster in here, your "buddy" won't walk 10 blocks for nothing. ;)
He likes you and to me, if a man walks 10 blocks just to spend a few minutes with me, WOW! what a great compliment. Even if he's just "my buddy".

Don't let the "smoke screen" fool you... he's interested and take it slow. :D

Good luck.





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