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I've posted on this board quite a while ago about some problems I was having with my boyfriend.. well now- he's my exboyfriend, being that he broke up with me a week ago. He cheated on me with his ex-g/f and I even caught him red-handed one weekend.. but he lied to me about it. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.. but for the two weeks following that- he was really grouchy and irritable all the time. Finally, I called him at work on a Friday and told him I was coming to his house- and we were talking about what is going on. He told me everything on a Friday. I stayed the rest of the weekend.. and left on Sunday.. got half way home.. turned around and went back. I told him I couldn't trust him and that I couldn't date him anymore. He was really upset and crying. I gave him another chance. He stopped talking to his ex, she kept calling but he wouldn't pick up the phone, one night he went to her dorm and gave her all her stuff back.. he was there for 5 minutes- we were on the phone the whole time. Things were good for about 3 weeks... then it started changing again.

Last week- he told me we needed to just be friends for awhile so he could regain my trust.. and he thought it would be easier as friends. Okay- well I knew there was other stuff.. he said part of him loves his ex and part of him loves me. He said he never completely got over her and we rushed into our relationship too fast... which I tried to tell him for a long time- but he would have none of it. He says he doesn't know who he loves, he doesn't know who he wants to be with, he just doesnt know.. he's confused.. He told me that while we were just being friends, he didn't want me to go out and date other guys or sleep with other guys... I told him I didn't want him to date other girls or sleep with other girls, including his ex. We both agreed to that. He said he just needs some time to get over her.........

So this whole week, I've been trying my hardest to understand, to be a good friend, to talk to him about everything and listen to what he has to say.. even if it is about his ex.. sometimes he'll say 'I love you' sometimes he won't. He says he doesn't say it to her. All this is irrelevant though... to my real question...

I don't understand how you can get over someone while you are still talking to them and hanging out with them (they hung out 2 nights in the last week.) It hurts so bad that he spends time with her, because if I told you everything that she did to him you all would probably wonder what the heck he even talks to her for! It hurts that he "doesn't know" if he loves me or not anymore. He said at one point in time he did, he was in love with me.. but then his exg/f wouldn't leave him alone and it just confused him.. so now here I am trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do.

Am I suppose to keep talking to him when he calls?

I am suppose to call him once in a while too?

What about when he says he'll call back then never does- because he thought it was "too late"? He knows I stay up til like 2am every day! I have my suspicions for why this happened- but I won't go there...

Should I just tell him that in 30 days, I will call him and ask him what he has figured out? Not have any contact with him for 30 days, to let him know that this has got to stop and if he loves me and wants to be with me, he will get over his exg/f and make her leave him alone... It would be the hardest thing I ever did, but I'm beginning to think that HE thinks he can just keep messing up and I'm always going to come back and give him another chance.

For some reason, I know what everyone is going to say but it's just so hard to except the fact... maybe I am not good enough for him, maybe I'm too fat, not pretty enough, not close enough (distance), not good enough for him at all?

What do I do?





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