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Actually I have posted stuff about how I was raped...because my ex boyfriend John (won't use actually names)was controlling and sexually abusive. I let it go on for about a month and people were telling me how stupid I was for being with him. People were telling me that they didn't care for me anymore because obviously I didn't care for myself enough to get out, when in reality I did care and I did want out, but in my head its kind of hard to see the actual reality of it. I didn't think it was that bad, I thought he would change, I figured he knew what he was doing was wrong. Eventually one person...the person who means nothing but the world to me now Ryan (still not actual names) called me and told me that he didn't want to hear none of my bullsh*t anymore and he didn't care to talk to me anymore. He and I dated for a long time before I got with the as*hole who was treating me like **** and Ryan wanted to get back with me but I couldn't manage to stay in a relationship with him because I knew John would come after him so we were dating for a week then I would find myself leaving Ryan for John. That happened a max of at least 3-4 times. Ryan couldn't do it anymore, so he and ALL...I mean ALL my friends left me the hell alone. My brother (who is more like a father to me) left me and disowned me. Everyone I knew and loved and cared for turned their back on me.And I'm sure as hell thankful for that, because if they wouldn't have I wouldn't have realized that I needed them over this as*. I left him like two weeks after all my friends left me, when i told him and tried walkin out the door her threw me to the ground, he started once again undressing me and ended up ****** me for the last time (a total of 3 times) When he was done he threw me against the door and said if I walked out on him he will come after me. So the next few days at work, all i was doing was crying because i was so scared. Ryan and a few of the people who turned their backs on me came and asked why i was crying so hard (hard enough that i couldn't even work right) I explained everything that had happened a few nights before, and Ryan craddled me in his arms and said something i will never forget "I knew you would come to your senses and I knew you could do it, I'm proud of you. Don't worry I will protect you from him, because he will never lay a hand on you again...I promise." He kept his promise, when john came around ryan and everyone stuck up for me...they banned john from that specific store we worked at and john stopped coming around, and calling. Ryan has been there for me, he has never let go and or broke his promise. I never would have seen that if they didn't leave my side, if they didn't tell me how stupid I was. Thats what I needed, thats what helped me...I was a disgrace to myself for suffering for a month letting him call me names and pushing me and on those occasions getting drunk and ****** me (the last one he was sober and it was intentional) The man I love now is Ryan and now we are married and expecting our first. He treats me so good. He does everything for me, yeah we fight like any normal couple would, but once we realize what we were arguing about was dumb we laugh and move on. He has never yelled at me to an extreme, put me down, laid a hand on me and i know he never will.

I found something better, i found the best thing for myself. I got out and I would say you should too. John started out just like your boyfriend, then he changed and got worse all within a few seconds. I know how it goes, you don't think there is anything wrong when there is, you know deep down you can find better but you can't leave him. I have been there, I have been in a complete and total abusive relationship that to this day I wish I would have listened to my boss, the one who first realized that he was the way he was. I wished I could have stopped it then, I wish I wasn't hard headed and so protective of a man who didn't care about me. I wish I would have, but like you I didn't see the problem as an extreme. I knew there was a problem, but did I want to know it was I wanted everyone to say that it was OK and that it was going to be fine. Which it wasn't and I knew I would probably be laying in the hospital or up in some casket somewhere if I was still in that relationship. So I said what I said for a reason, I'm not a hypocrite saying it either. I have been there, so I know how it works. So yes, I had every reason to say what I said...and to the next girl I will say the same because i know thats what it is.

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