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Ok, here's the thing. I understand why you guys are all feeling so strongly about this stuff, i really do. it's frustrating to see someone being what you view as 'abused.' but the thing is, when someone is feeling like this, the last thing you should tell them is that they're pathetic. you don't think they feel like that already? you don't think they already feel like a terrible person? you don't think they're confused? what is all of this yelling and name calling going to accomplish? I can tell you, it's going to make them feel even worse. it's going to make them think twice before ever asking for advice again.

[quote]I don't see how you can degrade yourself to a point where you let this guy control your every move[/quote]

that's the thing, you're very right about that. you DON't 'see' it. you don't understand and that's very obvious. but just because you can't even fathom why someone would let a guy do this to them doesn't mean it's not a real problem. it's not like the person can just snap out of it like you seem to think, based on how you're talking.

[quote]I'm complelety and honestly ashamed of you. You make woman look helpless and hopeless in every situation. Come on get over yourself because obviously you know there is something wrong with him if you posted this thread[/quote]

[i]really[/i] now, what is this? you're ashamed of someone who got themselves into a bad situation that they now feel responsible for and really confused about? [i]Ashamed[/i]? that's just messed up. a girl in this kind of a situation makes all women look helpless? and I should 'get over myself'? jesus christ. yeah i do obviously know something is wrong, but does that mean i don't think it's partially my fault? does that mean i feel in full control of the situation? no. it means that i feel terrible, and i need help (otherwise why would I be reaching out) but that does NOT mean it's so black and white in MY mind.

it doesn't seem like you have any personal experience with being in an abusive relationship. which is great for you, i wish that on everyone. but maybe you shouldn't reply when someone ELSE is in one until you evaluate how what you're saying is going to effect them. because saying this kind of stuff is going to make them feel a ton WORSE. they're already feeling fragile.

[quote]So don't ask for help and make him out to be an as*hole and then take offense to what we say when you know we are right, you just want somone to say its ok[/quote]

you really just don't get it, and i guess I can't blame you for that. but i just really am thinking about the next girl who is going to post here with a problem like this, and how terrible you're going to make her feel. i could go on and on trying to explain the mentality of someone who's in a situation like this one, but you still wouldn't get it, i fear. so let me just say that usually when a girl is like this, she feels like she loves the guy and yeah, she'll defend him. why don't you try to not get so pissy when she argues against your advice? because usually at that point, it's really gotten to her and she wants to believe he's not such a bad person. why can't you understand that it's not such a black or white situation for HER? if she's staying with him it's either because she thinks she loves him, or she thinks she deserves it, or both. so yeah, usually she's not going to recieve your advice and go skipping off to leave the guy. why don't you chill out and not sound like you're attacking her so much?

i appreciate some of the things you said, a lot of it IS what girls like this need to hear. obviously the guy is a huge waste of time and it's extremely important that she leaves him. but i'm just saying, maybe you should check yourself before you respond to the next girl who posts about this. because yeah, letting her know that she's in a TERRIBLE situation is one thing. but telling her you're ASHAMED and that she's PATHETIC...that's going to make her feel like HE is right. that she's not worth anything. it's a vicious cycle, and that's just perpetuating it.

so that's it. i appreciate the people who responded who didn't attack me as a person, keep that up for the next person with this problem. but to anyone who called me 'pathetic' or acted like i was crazy and stupid because this is such an obvious situation..seriously, do the next girl a favor and just say nothing. because I can tell you that you WILL make the problem worse saying things like that. and no, it's not like it's something she 'has to hear.' I can almost guarantee she feels that all already, and then some. maybe just give her some compassion.

and that's it, I'm done!

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