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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Ive done the friends with benefits things a few times...once it was definitely 'stated' and lasted 4 months, which was the definition of a REBOUND for me, as it was right after my heart got ripped out and i needed some male attention. I ended up cutting that off b/c I started projecting my emotions toward my ex onto him (i.e., cuddling, holding hands when walking, talking all the time). It didnt help that he did the same thing, bc he too had just gotten out of a relationship...so what I thought was 'leaning on each other' turned into me wanting what I had before, looking for him to fill the void (subconsciously of course) and him getting freaked out and treating me more and more like a piece of meat. Which, as much as I love sex, is just not OK with me. So I ended that one. I am also the type to start expecting things from guys after I sleep with them continuously...things like respect, and their desire to see me again, and when I didnt get this it definitely threw me for an emotional loop.
As far as the others, Ive had a few situations where i was strongly attracted to a guy, and I just knew he wasnt boyfriend-material, or the timing was off. Things started out with going a little too far, and then they just continued on a few times. But, Im just the type of girl that is more into relationships, being loved and appreciated, cared about, and having passionate, loving sex with someone rather than just...using each other, to be blunt. So I just dont think i'll be getting myself into those situations anymore. What is a shame about them as that it can happen a lot these days, b/c ppl are often right out of breakups, or about to move somewhere, or just 'not ready to be committed' (which, imho, means he is not wanting to be committed to YOU). Its all about instant gratification these days. And I, like many others, agreed to a friends with benefits b/c i was strongly attracted to the person, wanted some fun/male attention, and figured I could handle it. After a few 'times', however, those desires turned into the hope that he would change his mind and would want me as his girlfriend. Its just the way I am, I suppose...I could tell myself over and over again that I knew the situation when I got into it, but I still couldnt get that little hope out of my head. Sometimes I think I live in a romantic fantasyland!!
Well, I think that, if this DOES happen (him deciding he wants to be with you), its rare. I would much rather just wait now for someone who earns that part of me, even though its hard sometimes b/c I do want it often haha! And it sucks when I just want to throw someone up against the wall ;). So, its up to you...I tried to kid myself, rationalize it out how I wasnt ready for a relationship, blah blah blah...but, in truth, I just cant sleep with someone that Im not attracted to...and attraction can often turn the least-worthy guy for you into someone you want with reckless abandon haha. Plus, I am also a believer in that old expression "You always want what you can't have".
So...I dont know, keep that in mind. Your post reminded me of me a few times in my past.





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