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Hello Everyone,

Here's my situation....

I met my wife 3 years about, and when a so called male "friend" of hers found out that we were dating he decided that was a good time to reveal all of his feelings for her. Of course that caused problems, but we overcame them, eventually got engaged, got married, had a baby.

After we got married, for the first few months he felt from time to time to find any excuse to e-mail her. Usually it was more for a special occasion or heck a National holiday. Time continued to pass in that first year, and from my understanding, there was really no contact at all.

Now lets fast forward into year two of our marriage where things get more interesting. We had a few problems like any other married couple, she went back to work after maternity leave, I was having trouble finding a new job as I lost mine shortly after we got married. This was a major issue for her. It wasn't lack of trying on my part, it was just bad luck. Instead of looking at the positive that she at least had a job, we had money coming in, she looked at the negative. "Oh poor me, I have to go to work". Well it could have been worse. Anyways, when she went back to work in the early part of this year, she got back in contact with this guy. I am under the impression that she likely made the contact. I didn't find about until a month after she got in contact with him. I came across this info accidently. She left her e-mail open, and there it all was. And it wasn't her regular e-mail account, it was a brand new account she created. Obviously it was done to be secretive. So I went in & read all the e-mails that we sent back & forth. She couldn't have tried to paint a worse picture of me, and this guy jumped all over it. Said he wish he did more back a few years ago to be with her, shouldn't have given up on her when we were together whether it be engaged or when we got pregnant, etc, he wanted to take care of her & MY child! What a piece of you know what.

I followed the e-mails at this account for a few months, never anything explicit said or sexually or any intimate type of conversations. It was just more of what I said above. However they stopped abruptly after a few months. I was very surprised, and then one day when I cruised upon *******, well looky looky what I found there. Both created pages so they could exchange e-mails there, and leave "cute" messages on each others main page of the site. He wote very detailed blogs about his love & feelings for her. All of what he wish he had done differently, etc. He had pictures up of himself on his site, she would write responses under each saying how sexy he is, and other little comments of that nature.

This all had a major affect on our marriage. For one, her bahviour become atrocious. Very emotionally, mentally & a few times phycially abusive towards me. I of course because of what I knew, couldn't even talk to her or act around her the way I normally would. Plus I couldn't talk to her about it because, she would know that I snooped. Though it was unintentional, I did none the less. There was such tension as you could imagine. I didn't know what to do.

I decided to be the bigger person, I just took it. I took it all! I took any abuse, any mistreating, anything negative. I did it all for our child. Our child didn't deserve any of this, and I wasn't going to break up our home. This innocent child deserved it's mommy & daddy. It was breaking my heart that she was getting caught in the middle of this, even though obviously she had no idea. Too young, not even barely above a year old by this point.

Moving along, I finally got a job.... I thought maybe that would change things. Perhaps, that would change her focus. Of course she was happy, but they still communicate. We got a new car after needing one for so long, I thought that would make her happy, and it did, but they still communicate.

HOW DO I STOP THIS????? I have found myself even more untrusting of her than I was when I intitally found things out. I think what more do I have to do here???!!! Everything she wanted to happen has happened. New job, new car, we are moving forward to saving for a house, etc. Is it just pure selfishness on her part? Does she think she is doing nothing wrong? Am I over reacting? I find myself thinking about this almost everyday. It stops me obviously from wanting to be intimate with her. I do it out of obligation, out of shutting her up, etc. I feel like I am prostituting myself to her in a round about way.

Even inspite of all this, I generally do whatever she asks. I do what I can to keep the peace. She has a very volitaile personality. In spite of that, I do what I can to keep her happy, make her smile, make he laugh, etc. Why can't I get that in return? She does it in other ways, but I want it in one way. I want ot be the only guy! I am her husband for crying out loud! The father of our child! I deserve to be the only man in her life! Am I being unreasonable?

Also, I want to confront her about everything I have known for months & months, but don't know how to. Any advice there? Should I even bother? Has it been too long? Will it make things worse? Better? Send her directly to him? Help her breaks things off with him? I know that is alot of questions, but that is why I struggle with what to do.

Bottom line is I do love her or I wouldn't have put up with things & the hurt it has caused me for as long as I have if I didn't. I love our child, and I love our family. I want to grow old with her, eventually expand our family but I need a resolution to this.

Alot of people reading this probably think I am nuts for wanting to still move forward, but it's a concious decision I have made because I do love her. I know that 100% within myself. I just need to know & find a way to eliminate this MAJOR problem.... this guy!

Thanks for letting me vent her, any comments & solutions would be very appreciated!

Big Beefcake

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