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Dear BBC,

After reading your post, I'm wondering why would one would put up with such abuse, but you're right, your child is in the middle of all of this and I commend you for being unselfish for her sake. I think more parents should stop and think before they speak, or do anything for the sake of their children. But unfortunately, there are a lot of selfish parents out there.

I feel sorry for you because of the situation you are in. I'm afraid the only way your wife would stop is to divulge what you know about the whole "emotional affair" , a new term being thrown around. It's been going on for as long as people have been alive, it's just haven't had a politically correct term. Again, I'd posted in many posts, why do people do this to each other? In this case, a man is trying to have a married woman physically cheat.

If I were the wife who's emotionally cheating, I'd be afraid of my husband finding out. The excitement is in the secracy. A lot of people thrive in the whole secrecy of things, the thrill of having this "unknown" affair.

I saw something like this once with my Aunt and Uncle. My Aunt was having a weekly "coffee" meeting with a male co-worker a long time ago. She was already married at the time and w/ no children. She babysat me a few times back then. She even took me to one of her meetings with her "friend" to that coffee shop. I think I was about 10 or 11, old enough to sense that they're not just friends and they have more emotional investment in this friendship. To make a long story short, I happen to accidentally mention the meeting to my Uncle one day when he picked me up from school to take me to a family dinner party. In the car, I could sense he was getting angry and was gripping the steering wheel much harder than he normally would. he asked me many questions, I told him all I could remember. At the time, I didn't know I was doing anything incriminating. I was a kid, what do I know. He played it cool with my Aunt. He didn't go into the rampage or even angry with her. He happen to casually mention what he knows after he went to the coffee shop to see thngs for himself. He just mentioned what he knew and that was it. He didn't say to stop seeing him, he didn't threaten her with a divorce or separation, he didn't do anything that would make her want to run back to her friend and make my Uncle look like the bad guy. My Uncle difused the excitement the two of them were doing. My Uncle just sat back and let her know that he knows... even though it was tearing him up inside. I recall one night when my Uncle and Grandfather were getting drunk in the tv room and my Uncle was crying. I don't remember how long it took for my Aunt to stop, but eventually, she stopped having coffee with her friend. Soon after that, their marriage seemed to get better and they had my three cousins.

I don't know if my story has made any sense to you, but most people who put themselves in this situation thinks they're missing "something" in their marriage. My Aunt never went beyond talking with her friend and your wife seems to be in that same boat. Just let your wife know CALMLY that you know what's going on without going into details. Maybe write a heartfelt, loving letter and casually leave it on your dresser and take your baby out to the park or something so she can have a private moment to read and be afraid that you know what's going on between them. And when you return, act calmly and be your normal self. She will still run to her friend, but soon, she will stop and think about what they're doing. All along, her friend will still make you the bad person and he'll run with this whole thing, but a poster once made a comment in this board, "CREAM RISES TO THE TOP". Don't loose your cool. She will realize soon that what she's doing is wrong, she'll appreciate you more, she'll see your beautiful life and think, what am I doing to my family? I can't guarantee that this would work, but this is similar to what my Uncle did. He allowed my Aunt to come to her senses without his demands. You know your wife, how would she react to a situation like what my Uncle did?

Let us know how you're doing. You're a rare gem BBC. Most men would have left or hit or done something much less of a man that you are.

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