It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


You sound exactly like me!! Wow... it's the same thing I went through... TWICE!!! Two ex's.
He had a tendency to remain friends with people who have stabbed him in the back... which I couldn't understand one bit.

When I realized he was talking everyday online to an ex girlfriend I got upset, especially after I read what he had been writing... but that's another story.

Even before that though, I was paranoid about him talking to his ex gf's regardless of what they talked about.

There were two girls in particular, one was a 2 year relationship and they had been good friends before they dated, and the other was a 4 month fling... anyway they both found him on ******* and that's how they rekindled their friendships.... I didn't like it one bit. The same thoughts went through my head - what if there are still feelings there that linger?

My only advice is to trust him with all your heart... I wasn't able to do that and after over 2 years we finally broke up last week because I was so insecure. He said he can't be in a relationship where he trusts me 100% but doesn't get that trust in return.

So I know it's hard... really really hard...to accept that they still talk, but it's not uncommon. You just have to try to trust him... or else you may lose him, and it doesn't sound like that's what you want :(
I am going through the same darn thing right now! Even though he doesn't talk to her anymore...I just feel like that they probably are really talking and I just don't know about it. I know that they had a very stange relationship but they were together for 12 years and I know that that just doesn't go away magically! Last year when I went out of town for a couple weeks I found out that they went and did some "errands" together. At that time they still talked and I was OK...or tollerated it anyway...but when I found out that they spent time together and he kept it a secret from me I went bolistic and even though that's been over a year ago, I am still having trouble dealing with the fact that I cannot trust him! Even though I know for 100% certainty that they didn't have sex (they didn't even have sex when they lived together!) it's just that he lied to me and went behind my back!

I wish someone would offer help to us distrusting women and tell us how to trust! I think that we probably have our reasons for not trusting like for me it's because I found out he lied to me about her!:mad:
Yeah, it'll be hard to deal with that. But it's a matter of whether you trust him or not. If you truly do trust him and he's real sincere about everything, then why make other assumptions?

I dated a girl for five years. We broke up a month and a half ago. Despite the fact I was pissed for a while, I'm sure in the future we'll start talking more. And whoever I'm dating at the time will have to deal with that. There's no way I'd go back to my ex, not now, not ever. Not even if she begged me back and I was single. But that's just me... I know there are some guys out there that just don't care. But are you dating one of them? That's what you have to ask yourself.

Also - little tip. I wouldn't dwell too much on this. It's very important to be sincere about it when you talk with him. If you continue digging over and over and soon it becomes your only topic of conversation, you're simply signing the demise of the relationship. If you approach it on a very very easy going manner and be real cautious about what you say, it'll help you out a long way.

So in short, I'm saying don't worry about it. People can date, break up, and be friends without anything happening. Then again, the opposite can happen. What matters is what kind of a guy your boyfriend is and if you truly trust him. If you hesitated to answer that question in your head, then it's time for a heart to heart talk with him. If you fired out "Yes I trust him" the second you read this, I'd be willing to say you're fine. Then again, I don't know you or him in real life. So who knows! :P
See...I figured that you had some reason to NOT trust him. For me, when we first were together I had no distrust issues but then when I got home from being away for 2 weeks I found something of hers in his car! Talk about knock the wind out of our relationship! To be honest...I've never really felt the same as I did before that although I do love him. I mean the whole time I was gone I never once thought for one second that he'd be with her...now I can't even go to the store without thinking that he's talking to her...grrrrrr!
To start a relationship with someone should not mean that friendships that you have with other people should stop. But you say that you don't trust him? well, by telling him to stop talking with her, doesn't change anything if he still wants to do something with someone else. The point to a relationship is not to tell your partner to not talk to someone because he/she might do something with them. the point is that if your partner wants really to be with you then no matter with whom they're talking with, he/she will stay with you. So, in other words, trust him! If you can't, because you think you shouldn't, then why be with him at the first place..?

I hope that helps!:wave:
Hi Ladyjustice:

I read your both posts. I don't know if I have all the details now, but I am afraid there is something fishy about this relationship.

I agree that you have to have trust in your bf, but I also think that he must pull his own weight in this, in other words, he must give the grounds for you to have trust in him.

What if [U]you[/U] were talking on the phone or elsewhere with an ex? How would he react?

If he knows that this upsets you, even though there is nothing sexual going on between them, even though he shares with you their conversations, he should stop it, out of respect for you. This doesn't mean that he should give up all his friends - because of you - but an ex is an ex, and of course there is always potential danger that old feelings will develop and surface again.

You have a relatively new relationship with him and I sense it is serious. If he is really committed to you, he will do as much as he can to please you or to reassure you. I may be wrong, but from my side it seems he wants to keep you both (his ex and you), and of course this is incompatible, especially during this period of your relationship when building trust matters so much.

He must be prepared to make some sacrifices. This is true in all relationships. If he is not ready for this, if he is giving excuses and justifying himself all the time, maybe he is not ready for a full relationship. Even though you love him, think if you would like to share your life with someone who has his own priorities which might not include you first place.

JC





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:42 PM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!