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I have the exact same problem with my boyfriend and his ex(s). I've always been an insecure person, and even though I've improved over the years, certain fears are always still there. It's natural, I think, for most people to be slightly threatened by an ex, even guys.

It's even worse when you haven't met the ex. I've met one of my boy's ex's and my worries faded afterwards. But there is another that I have yet to meet. I still have a problem with her, despite his reassurance, because from the very beginning she told him that she didn't want to know a single thing about me, didn't want to know of my existance, not to mention the fact that she ends their converstions with "I love you" and gets upset when he doesn't say it back! So what else am I suppose to think, other than she has bad intentions!!?

I do not like that he still talks to her on occassion but, I have to remind myself that I am still friends with some of my ex's and I know that my boyfriend has nothing to worry about, so the same goes for him and his friendship with her.

I think the only way to get passed ex's is for your security with yourself and your relationship to grow. You just really need to trust him. Of course there's the whole "I trust you, I just don't trust her" thing. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion. I swear it only exists to destroy things!

However "irrational" our fears are, they're still there, and we can't control how we feel. You have to trust that he will be honest with you. That seems to be the only solution that I can think of.

Good luck.
[QUOTE=ladyjustice]Hi everyone, I have been with my boyfriend now for a little more than 2 years. An issue that has always bugged me throughout our relationship is that he is still friends with his ex. They broke up about four years ago and they had been friends for a long time before they started dating. Anyways, they went out for about 2 and a half years but then she cheated on him. They still remained friends afterwards.

I don't know why this bugs me so much. I mean, he tells me all the time he loves me. He hasn't actually seen his ex in a few years (they live in different states) but they do talk on the phone every now and then. I know my fears are a bit irrational, but I just don't like the fact that he is still friends with her and that they call each other up. I told him that I would prefer that he doesn't call her but that he just talk to her when she calls him.

Right now, we're temporarily doing the long distance thing. I am in California and he is Illinois, but hopefully he will be able to move out here in a few months. I don't know why I feel so threatened by this friendship that he has with her. I know they were really close friends before (probably best friends) before they started dating.

He reassures me a lot that I have nothing to worry about, and that he is with me and loves me and wouldn't want to get back together with her. Then why do I feel so insecure? How do I deal with this w/o always wondering if he's calling her or vice versa? My biggest worry is that if they talk enough his old feelings will come back for her or vice versa. Since I've never met his ex before I don't know what her intentions are. I know she is dating someone right now, but who knows if she has any lingering feelings for my bf? Am I just being totally paranoid? How do I deal with this? :confused:[/QUOTE]

I think you have nothing to worry about.But if you feel that strongly about it just tell him you can't except it and that he must drop all communication with her.I'd be willing to bet that he was a very good to friend to her, and she had called him probably to talk to when she was upset about something.A good friend can help you see "the other side" some times that is hard to see. If she is a true friend of his she will respect "you" his girlfriend and never call him anymore.I really think you should tell him how you feel.
Personally I would never do anything to hurt a male friend of mines relationship that he had with his girlfriend and I would not call him and upset her like that.That is just wrong.And any true friend would respect the "girlfriends" feelings.

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