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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


WOW...I was not expecting that many replies so soon to my post, although I think "rosequartz" should get most of the credit for that.

And brown-eyed girl, she is my girlfriend, and I am proud and happy to say that (it has been edited). When I read your post, I couldn't believe I typed that...shows how doing personal business while at work can effect you.

Speaking of rosequartz, we each have our opinions and I respect that, but please quit chastising me w/o knowing all the info. I never TOLD her it was me or them. There was no ultimatum. She brought it up first and she wants to change how things are because she does care for how I feel, and for me period...wooo whooo, bonus points for me! I wouldn't expect her to change, but it would limit the number of times I stay there because I could not stay there on work nights as I need a good nights sleep with my profession. I've never told her that I would stop coming over, as it just recently became an issue, but she is afraid that it would lead to me not spending as much time there, and she said she doesn't want that. It is all about compromise, as most of the posts pointed out.

You are right, I have no right to tell her how to do anything in her house, and I haven't. Besides, she is the one proposing it. I posted this topic merely looking for opinions as to why a person sleeps with their animals period, especially when another person that cares deeply for them is right there. I posted because it is my way of trying to understand someone else, opening my mind, and who knows, maybe seeing something that I hadn't before...an angle I hadn't thought of. Thats a big part of what relationships are about...understanding the other person and why they feel the way they do when they do.

As for everyone else...brook65, Destea, ILYF, etc...thanks for the input and the support...and yes she really is a great gal!

Thanks again everyone...you too rosequartz (no hard feelings, right?)!
[QUOTE=Smokey Bear]I'm primarily looking for the opinions of those that allow their dogs to sleep in or on their bed with them, but other responses are welcome. My girlfriend allows her dogs to sleep on/in the bed with her. Initially when we first started sleeping together, they weren't up there, but slowly they have worked their way onto the bed, first at the foot, then between your legs, and now right between us, as if they are another person. She said she has always allowed them to sleep with her. They are small dogs (under 15 pounds), but their presence is still evident throughout the night. The other night we had to stop in the heat of passion so she could put the dogs on the floor...that was romantic (her words), especially when one of them put their muzzle right in my crotch! Yuck!! It threw everything off.

I wasn't raised to sleep with my pets. I love animals and I really like her dogs, but I am there to be with her, not sleep with her dogs. We discussed it last night (she brought it up before I was able to) and she realizes she needs to break them of the habit. I was grateful she saw how it affected me, although i still feel bad, as I know what her dogs mean to her. However, I just don't see why she felt the need to allow them up there in the first place when they weren't up there with us initially. Furniture is for people, not animals, am i not correct? Likewise the bed is for us, and only us... We are affectionate with each other and we sleep very close (when the dogs aren't present), so why does she need the extra company of her dogs when i am there.

Like I said, this was not allowed when I grew up, but we still loved our dogs and considered them a part of the family. I've also been through extensive puppy and dog training classes and seminars, and allowing your dogs on furniture also goes against everything I've heard and what they teach. Am I wrong? Someone please explain this to me and why you feel one way or the other about it. And no, I don't have fleas...yet![/QUOTE]

Hello Smokey -
I have not read through this whole thread, just the original post, so forgive me if I repeat some other advice, but my dog sleeps on my bed. I live alone and hate sleeping alone, and I enjoy the company of having him on the foot of the bed with me. I like to hear him snore as we both drift off to sleep. I realize I have spoiled him and if I do ever get a SO, it will be a real chore to train him to get used to sleeping in his pen or on the floor, but I will totally understand if my SO does not want to share the bed with my dog, but I wouldn't want him to judge for me letting him sleep on my bed when I was single. He's not just a pet to me, he's my baby, really the only real family I have, and probably the closest thing I will ever have to a child, seeing as God did not see fit to bless me with human children, but I love my dog almost that much. All that love and nurturing has to go somewhere. It's hard sometimes to make room in your life for a new person, especially when you've been single for a long time, those habits can be hard to break. Give her some time. She seems to respect your views and seems to want to make you comfortable. She just needs to adjust a little.
[QUOTE=soulster]I am a neat freak so I would never let an animal into my bed. sorry... I am borderline OCD in that department. But just a question... when a dog does his business, they obviously cant wipe themselves... so when they trek the house and their owner, isnt there a transference of some of the remnents of their bussiness?? I dont really get that... or do pet owners not care about it? I have always wondered about this? Sorry to get off topic, but on topic, you have the right to ask your girlfriend to be with her only when it comes to the bed... maybe you could compromise and alternate... some nights with the dog and some nights wihout.. if that is possible[/QUOTE]

I can't speak for all pet owners, but i keep the hair around "there" trimmed well so nothing sticks to it. Most of the time there are no visible remnants on his bum, and I've trained him not to "scoot" in the house, only outside on the grass. When he does, or if he does have an occasional "kling-on" I cut it off and wash his bum with antibacterial soap. i also wipe his feet after every walk or put little doggie booties on him so he doesn't track dirt all over my carpet. If his feet are too dirty to wipe of easily, then he just stays in his pen until I can get around to washing them properly. He gets a bath every week and a brushing and wipe down to remove excess dust and dirt between baths. I know some people let their dogs go weeks or even months between baths and they smell very "doggie" and I myself would probably have a problem haing a dog like that on my bed because I am a very clean person and I'm not allergic to dogs, but very allergic to things that ge on dog's hair like grass and pollen and such. When my dog does sleep on the bed, he has his own little quilt he sleeps on so he's not directly on my comforter. He's also quite content to sleep on the floor at the foot of my bed if I need leg room and a real good night's uninterrupted sleep. But my dog is my baby, and I love him as much as I love any human. I know that can be dificult for some people to understand, but I feel I have the right to love my dog as much as I want to , it's not fair for someone else to dictate how much I am "supposed" to love my dog. I'm not saying Smokey feels this way, but some others do, I see. It's a matter of "life rules" and compromise. I agree that really big dog lovers and non dog lovers probably aren't a good match to begin with. I would totally be willing to compromise my habits with my dog for a good man, but if someone came in and started ridiculing me for not keeping my dog "in his place" and for loving him too much and treating him too much like a human, or putting me in a position where I had to choose between him and my dog, no contest. I can find anyone to give me a ride, change a tire, or whatever. My dog gives me the greatest gift of all, unconditional love, a gift I have as yet never received from any human, except maybe my parents. For the last five years, my dog has been the only one to welcome me home, to go for walks with me and be by my side, to wipe my tears away when I'm sad, etc. Any man worth my time would understand how valuable that is and has been to me. I would never toss my faithful companion out on his ear for some johnny-come-lately who may or may not be around in another 6 months. I would expect any man who wanted to be with me to respect the love I feel for my dog as much as I would expect him to respect my love for a human child if I had one. Many men consider single mothers as having too much "baggage" because sometimes they have to put their kids first, and the kids always figure into the choices that are made and a woman with kids isn't as footloose and fancy free as a woman with no kids. To a much smaller extent, pet owners are sort of the same way. Like I said, I'm willing to compromise and do what I can to make someone more comfortable, but my dog and I are a package deal. I wouldn't expect him to love my dog as much as I do, but if he loved me, I would expect him to respect the love I have for my dog.





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