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Can't move on
Nov 16, 2006
This is long, Iím sorry!
Me and my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up a month ago. It was a long distance relationship. Things started off intense. He came to live near me for a few months. Things didnít work out financially, so he moved back to his hometown. When he left, all we would talk about was finding a way to be together. This man had promised me the world. He promised weíd be living together as soon as possible. That never happened. Many things were promised and I feel like it was a complete lie. I finally had enough and exploded through email about a month ago. I know I should have at least done it over the phone, but things with us had been strained ever since he had left for a business trip and basically forgot I existed so the only way I could contact him was thru email.

The things I had said in my first email to him were quite harsh, Iím not going to lie, but what he replied with has crushed my self esteem. He basically wrote an essay on everything that is wrong with me. My personality, my looks, my FAMILY, etc. He even told me that I was just a Ďgameí to him and that he could never have had true feelings for me since I ďhave no personalityĒ. I canít seem to shake this. I loved this man and I thought he loved me. We talked about having kids, we talked about living together. He told me he thought I was his soulmate and he had had more in common with me than anyone he had ever met. Was it really all a lie? Itís been a month now since weíve spoken and I feel just as bad as the day it happened. I canít seem to forget those words. In no way do I ever want a relationship with him again, but I just need closure and an answer why. Can you really be in a relationship with someone for a year and a half and have it all be a lie? I have no problems meeting other men, but he is always in the back of my mind. I feel pathetic because I know he has already probably forgotten me but this eats at me everyday. How do I get over this and rebuild my self esteem? Iíve tried dating and it seems so empty and shallow. Heís all I think about and it doesnít help either when you know heís online the same time as you and you canít help but obsessively check to see what heís up to. The internet is quite a curse for me right now. Iím just crushed and wondering how you could use someone for so long and not even seem to care to at least apologize.

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