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Re: Age difference
Nov 18, 2006
The issue here is that he lied to you! I don't care what excuse he used for it, a lie is a lie. You're relationship was based on this lie. I don't understand why people have to lie to cover up their insecurities. You are who you are and if people can't accept it then why do you want them in your life?

You are still very young so based on your inexperience you may be ready to just forgive and forget. If that works for you then great, I wish you all of the best. I'm going to tell you from my experience (and I have a few more years on you) that if a person will lie about something that is really not a big deal (like their age) then you can pretty much guarantee that they will have no problem about lying about something bigger (like another girlfriend, perhaps).

My ex-husband has a nasty habbit about lying, hence he is the "ex". Anyway, after our divorce I found out he was dating a girl who was 20 when he was 27. Not a big deal, except that he told her is was 23, never been married and had no children (we had a 3 year old daughter). I called him one day and she had his phone for some reason. She went crazy thinking that I was some random girl he was seeing on the side. I had to explain who I was and why I was calling. Needless to say she was surprised, but for some reason she stuck around. I told her she was asking for trouble being with him, but she didn't listen. She believed him that I was only saying those things because I wanted him back (even though I was engaged to someone else) and stayed with him. A few months later she caught him in bed with another girl.

Sorry to go off in another direction. I just am a firm believer in total honesty. I hope you give that a lot of thought. I think there is more to it than they like younger girls and those girls are scared of them. I know several girls who would opt for an older more mature man. They may be older, but definately lacking maturity.

As for the age thing, I don't think that is a big deal. It's about compatibility more so.
Re: Age difference
Nov 18, 2006
i'm 10 years older then my girlfriend...
i'm 35... her 25...
my dad is 10 years older then my mom...

now... having said that...
since you mentioned you're 21 now...
that means you were 19 when you met him and he was 29 then...
and while i think a 10 year age difference doesn't necessarily have to be a big deal, i think that is more the case when you are both a little older...
the younger you look at it, the less it seems to make sense...
19 & 29 really seems to be pushing it if you ask me...
add to that, the fact that he lied about it, and as far as i'm concerned, it's completely unacceptable at that point and REALLY makes them look like predators...

so they only decided to tell you because they thought you were "nice"???
and this, only after knowing them for two years???
did they just not think you were "nice" enough to be honest to for the 2 years prior to telling you???
and it also sounds like they might STILL be lying, meaning, i don't think their motivation for coming clean was based completely on their burning desire to want to be honest with you because of how "nice" you are, but, as you mentioned, one of their mothers threatened to spill the beans if they didn't come clean, so they were pretty much caught, cornered, and threatened into having to come clean...

also... think about the implications of their statements...
so if they thought you weren't "nice", then does that mean you deserve to be lied to???
of course not...
but that's basically the statement they're making...
that unless you decide you like someone and think they are worthy, that until that point they are deserving of being deceived, manipulated, betrayed, and used to suit their own agendas...
kind of morally reprehensible if you ask me...

in my opinion, you REALLY don't need people like these in your lives, and they have communicated that they don't really respect women (or maybe just other people in general) with their behaviors and actions...
their reasoning for telling the lies in the first place in now way excuses the behavior, nor does it justify it...





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