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i'm 22 years old, and my boyfriend is just shy of being 19. we've been dating for the past 11 months now and have had our fair share of up's and down's throughout our relationship.

for my boyfriend i am the only relationship he has ever had. while i on the other hand have dated 2 boys in the past, only one being a more serious relationship.

before my boyfriend and i started dating he pretty much had the "player/very flirtacious" reputation attached to him. he was still in high school when we became "official" and obviously during this part of his life he had a large group of friends (both boys and girls) whom he would party with (MINUS ME) on the weekends. that was always something that never really bothered me/phased me because of the fact that i knew his senior year was going to be one of the most important years of his life, and i never would have wanted to get in the way of that (considering i was so far past that and already in my 3rd year of college). however, when it came to me wanting to go out to a bar with a group of MY friends all hell seemed to break loose and i wouldn't end up going out just to make my boyfriend happy and not mad at me.

throughout the past 11 months my boyfriend has shown me some major insecurities that i never even thought he had. and i don't know if they've come out because this IS his first relationship with someone and of course it doesn't help that i am older. but never once have i given him a reason to not trust me.. EVER. where i on the other hand have receieved anonymous phonecalls from random girls saying that my boyfriend cheated on me w/ a girl he went to high school with. yet, i've believed my boyfriend and let that go. and now i'm beginning to wonder if all of these insecurities are showing thru because of maybe him having a guilty conscious of something he has done in the past?? i don't really know. i really don't know what to think.

i have one best friend, who is a guy that i've been JUST FRIENDS (i need to stress that) with for almost 9 years.. right now me and this guy friend are no longer on speaking terms because of the fact my boyfriend cannot handle mine and his friendship. anytime he called my cell phone/sent me a text message i ignored it and brushed it off because i knew how uncomfortable mine and his friendship made my boyfriend.

but what my boyfriend doesn't get is that we are just friends, and that hes like a brother to me. i think for the past 11 months my boyfriend has just felt 110% intimidated by him because i have another guy in my life (other than him and my dad) who i show comfort in being around. ESPECIALLY because he (my boyfriend) has always been the type to never just have a girl that he could just be friends with before he met me. he always had some sort of attachment to her, whether it was a girl he'd hook up with on a regular basis, or a girl he had some little fling with at some point. and thats why when i say i really have never had any sort of attraction to my friend, he just doesn't get it. and thats what hurts the most.

i've seemed to give up alot for my boyfriend. anything that causes some sort of conflict in our relationship i've easily brushed off. writing off my best friend for 9 years isn't something that i wanted to/or felt was right.. but i really do love my boyfriend, and i wouldn't want to see him hurt.

& this is when things start to get really sticky.
see. in my first relationship, my ex-boyfriend and i broke up in our first year of college because he dormed and started getting into things that i didn't agree with (ie: smoking weed) after awhile, i couldn't deal with it anymore and it was getting to the point where i gave my ex-bf an ultimadum (which i don't like doing) but i said he needed to pick between experiencing with weed or our relationship and he chose experiencing. from that day on i swore to myself i would never, ever date another guy who smoked pot. yet i went against my own word because my boyfriend ALSO has the reputation attached to him for his bad habits (ie: smoking weed) ..go figure!

at first i tried ignoring the whole him smoking weed thing. i tried not to show it bothered me, but it really did. and maybe that was my first mistake? after argument after argument i finally threw that same ultimadum out to my boyfriend.. weed or me. and he told me that this is who he is, accept it or not. YET MY BEST GUY FRIEND WAS WHO I WAS AND HE COULDN'T ACCEPT THAT?? he kept telling me that he never would let him smoking weed get in the middle of us, yet personally i think he did because he'd get into my car smelling like it and it would be at the worst of times, like before we went to go see a movie.. or before we were going out to lunch.

a few weeks ago my best friend tried one more time to get ahold of me, and my BF ended up going thru my phone, taking his # out, and calling him and telling him to leave me alone. i felt like absolute crap after he had done that and i told my boyfriend that i wanted to call my friend and apologize but my boyfriend told me if i did do that, he'd break up with me.

so i told him that that was ridiculous and that if he would just throw away the past 11 months for me doing something he didn't like that was just uncalled for. i have givenn up almost everything that has ever made him uncomfortable in the past yet i don't like him smoking pot and he still hasn't give that up.

HE then came up with the idea of him quitting smoking if i woudln't call my best friend and apologize. i went with this and told him that if i found out he smoked i'd be done because he had made that promise to me and our relationship. but now i find out this weekend while he was away he smoked. infact, i asked him last night and he admitted to it openly.. he said he "almost" made it the whole weekend without smoking.

everyone around me keeps telling me i need to get myself out of this situation, and i do really feel as though i've turned into the girl who i never wanted to be. yet for some reason i can't GET TO THAT POINT and break up with my boyfriend. i feel as though i've given up so much for him that i'll be nothing without him and i know that thats soooo not healthy but i need input from someone who doesn't know anything about me. i hope this helps me get to where i need to be. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ ABOUT IT.. I KNOW IT WAS LENGTHY.

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