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So I wrote an apology back for everything and accepted his apology. This is the correspondence from today. I'm pretty annoyed that he tells me how we're going to live with my boyfriend. This is between him and I. I made another reference about his wife. He let them be mean to her and talk bad about her before they were married.

If you have the patience to read this, let me know what you think.

This is what I wrote:



I can accept your apology for what you said yesterday. I know you and Brad have had a rough week, and I can cut you a break on that considering the circumstances. But being completely cut out of my best friend's life is not something that I can live with or quickly forgive, unless we can start making amends, or come to an understanding and respect one another's role in Brad's life.

When I wrote you back in August, I was upset. I missed my best friend (and so do my boys). And I was pissed that he and I couldn't have any time with him without frequent interruptions and him having to run off to be somewhere. Heck, one time last spring, Brad was text messaging you when we were on the putting green of a golf course, and there were players behind us waiting on him and his two thumbs so that they could play through! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I wasn't mad at you, Niki...but I wrote a note to you (and then to Brad) when I was mad, and you got the brunt of it. It was a mistake.

I understand that you might worry about Brad going to a game, or a sport's bar with me and driving home when he shouldn't. I respect that, and I know that your concern is out love and care for him, not out of manipulation or control.

So in the future, why don't we try to address the real issues...rather than each other's short-comings?

ie, I can agree to call you if Brad needs a ride. -or- maybe Brad can excuse himself and call you now & then if we go out, rather than carrying on two conversations at once, or texting on a golf green. Or, perhaps instead of all of us trying to meet at Tiki Bob's with dollar drink specials and then have to worry about driving home from Seattle, we might be able to find a local pub or restaurant? Unfortunately, the dance club scene kind of passed us by, and Debi and I have become home bodies I guess...I dunno. That's why we like to throw house parties, so that we can see our friends and they all have a place to crash.

I guess I'm asking you to think about what the real issues are with Brad & I (ie, drinking and driving) and I'm willing to work with you on a solution and will respect whatever is agreed upon. However, if there are issues on either side based on someone else's past behavior, or based on something out of Glamour or Men's Health magazine having to do with the opposite sex, perhaps we can try not to put one another in that mold and make assumptions that aren't real.

Here's my concern (his friend),:

As you may not know, I have no problem with my boyfriend going out anywhere.. I let him do whatever he wants.

When you and my boyfriend initially hung out, I was indifferent to this as I was as I am when he hangs out with Pat or Jim frequently. (they go everywhere and I don't care.)

However, I have a huge issue with you thinking you have jurisdiction between us, and you've taken any opportunity to dictate your opinion in private issues.

If you don't like how often I call my boyfriend, this is not your jurisdiction or business to call me or talk to me of your opinion. It's simply not your business. It's also not your business to tell my boyfrend what you think of our relationship or whether he decides to answer the phone. If you have a problem with it, maybe this is a problem you have with my boyfrend. After all, he decided to go out with ME, I'm not forcing him to do anything. If Brad says that's what we agreed, that's where you step down and deal with it. After all, we're not dating you.

If you and your wife have a lifestyle that you think is better, that's fine, but we don't have to follow your assumptions on life. It's outright rude to assume as much. Would you like me to tell you you guys ought to go to church? What If I told you I thought it was flat out rude to allow others to talk badly about your wife before you both were married? It's rude right? So don't do it. It's not your place, although you're used to it being as much.

So what's my issue? Bottom line, quite simple: You get angry about something, so instead of showing restraint, you are outright disrespectful to me and take allowances that aren't yours to take. I don't like the name calling and the rudeness, I frankly don't like the culture or environment you're creating.

If you want to dictate to me, then fine. But you're talking to a wall. Maybe you're even blaming the wrong person, after all: I never had a problem until you felt that there was a problem. Apparently I have to do a huge show and dance to impress you and your wife . After all, things were "unrepairable" between us because I did nothing.
I didn't realize his friend was married. That changes things a little bit. I should've made that connection when you mentioned his kids, but he could have been a parttime dad.

Anyway, what does his wife think of this situation? Does your boyfriend get involved in his friend's personal life?

I think that all couples need alone time with friends. That's just natural. I think I missed a couple of things when I first read it. Maybe you should show these notes to your boyfriend. His friend said that your boyfriend didn't know about them. I would like to think that most men wouldn't want their friends addressing their girlfriend, wife, whatever, behind their back.

The more I think about it, what is with all the note writing? Is he not capable of having an adult conversation? I honestly thought the first one seemed sincere, but after reading the second one it's just weird.

I thought that this would be a nice beginning for you and his friend, but I'm now thinking that not much will change here. You should definately let your boyfriend in on all of this note writing. His friend may be saying completely different things to him. Either way, you don't need that aggrivation. I wouldn't tell your boyfriend to cut him out completely, but I would suggest that he make some boundaries when it comes to your relationship. Personal things shouldn't be discussed. Also, if your boyfriend decides to call or text you wherever he may be how is that your fault? Your boyfriend is an adult and shouldn't have to justify his actions to his friend.

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