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Am I insane?
Nov 28, 2006
Ok here's my story.....just need to vent and find out if its just me feeling this way or?

I'm 45 years old have been living on my own for the last year after a 17 years of mental abuse. I started seeing a guy last year, we seen each other a couple of times aweek and inbetween he would go visit his "friend", then maybe go stay with his ex-wife to be with his kids (teenagers). Anyways for the longest time I had no idea what I was to him so finally I asked him when I was hurt enough to have the balls to say something, he told me I was his girlfriend he thought, at this point I'm thinking then why are you seeing someone else.

This ate away at me that he would run out to her place for dinner, or meet up with her at a restaurant while I was waiting. One night he even left here ran to her place had dinner then came back, I was in so much pain over this I had a stomachache, I did tell him how muchthis hurt me and if they where just "friends" then why do I feel so hidden, and like the other woman. I asked him to let me meet her, never happened. Now I think he's lyeing to me when he goes out with his uncle or cousin and is actually going to visit her.

Now its got to the point that when he goes home I feel like he's making plans with her, which btw as soon as he has left here she magically knows to call him, I'm I stupid or what.

Now in the last couple of weeks I've been feeling insane, like I'm loosing it. He'll do things like say he's going to be over at a certain time I wait of course then he shows up hours late, this is usually when he's with his kids he does this. Soooo one day he was hours late we had planned on going out on a photo shoot...........guess what he was doing? Helping another woman with her computer, how nice.

I don't know am I wrong for feeling like everyone else is more important in his life then me? I lost it on him this morning, he's heading out of town again with work, (I know he is forsure working) and he just makes me feel like I'm just a friend to him, I told him I don't want to be like your "friend" waiting around for you to decide you have time for me.

I know its hard to figure out whats going on when no one knows either of us here, sometimes I feel used, and like I'm seeing a married man. In away I feel like I should dump him and move on cause of all the ****** feelings I have and then again I love him and put up with it as it seems to be a pattern with me. Gawd I could write forever, anyways any replies would be appreciated. Thanks

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