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The Ex Factor
Nov 29, 2006
I'm really just here to vent. I need to get these thoughts out of my head in a place where I won't be judged by people in my life! Like I said... I'm venting... but any replys are welcome! Some of you may have read an earlier post of mine concerning a related topic..

I have a problem with my boyfriend being friends with a particular ex of his. He is friends with other ex's and it doesn't bother me. But this girl has given me no reason to trust or even like her.

When we first started dating, and my BF talked about me, her response was "I don't want to know anything about her." Shouldn't a "friend" want to meet the new girl in his life? That just gave me a bad impression of her, seems like she has wrong intentions.

I've got that typical "I trust you, I just don't trust her" thing going for me right now. It's driving me crazy! This has recently come up again because he his home visiting, and when I text him yesterday, he replied saying he was hanging out with her. Naturally, I wasn't thrilled. I have no problems with him being friends with her.. ok, I do at the moment.. BUT... I don't care that they are friends, just like I don't care that he is friends with other girls and other ex's. I'm friends with some of my ex's, so why should his friendships be different than mine? It's just that my imagination gets the best of me.

I picture her being all flirtaious with him. (He says she isn't) So it's all just in my head. I think I would feel better if I met her, and could see how they interacted.

Did I mention that she says "I love you" at the end of their phone calls?! I've overheard this twice in the 9 months we've been together. He said they don't talk often, and that recently she hasn't been saying it. This was an issue for me from the start. I didn't like that she said it, and I really didn't like that he said "I love you too" or "ditto" to her. He claims he says it but doesn't mean it (which didn't please me either) and that he says it to avoid confrontation with her. I would rather him say it and mean it, then to lie. At least then I could say "see ya.. good luck with that. Bye!"

Apparently she says it to alot of people, as I hear from some of their friends. That made me feel a tad bit better. At least she's not secluding him. But still.. it's weird. It's not something that is easy for me to say. It should be special and meaningful. A little bit of that seems taken away now when he says it to me. Maybe that's just me being silly. Am I?

There is one other friend of his that I've heard tell eachother "I love you." This girl has always been just a friend, and I've met her. She even told him, "Tell Jen I love her too." (She said this without knowing of my issue!) It's great that they all love eachother and whatnot.. but it just seems too intimate to say frivolously between friends. I love my friends too, but I don't tell them at the end of a phone call..I save it for Christmas cards or drunk nights out!

Ugh.. I just can't get passed this one girl. I shouldn't be intimidated by her! He is happy with me. He loves me. I love him! Why can't I just push her out of my mind?! I would sacrafice my talent if it meant ridding myself of these heart-wrenching day dreams I have!

As much as I remind myelf that he is not my cheating ex-boyfriend, or my cheating father, or any of the other guys that have contributed to my lack of trust and faith in people, it doesn't seem to fully get through my head!

A couple months ago when he was visting home again, a few of them were hanging out. He told her about my disliking towards her. This did not make me happy. I feel like now she's got something on me, some kind of tiny bit of power, something to use to her advantage. I imagine that they joke about me or something. I worry that she's trying to get inside his head and make him want her again. I'm crazy, I know. I'm tempted to send her an e-mail and just put everything on the table, get it all out there. I feel like I have to explain myself, why I am the way I am. But I shouldn't have to... especially not to her. I know the e-mail is a bad idea. But I do feel it needs to be confronted. We both know about eachother, and how the other feels. Why not talk about it?

For the first time in my life I really feel I am in the right relationship. I'm terrified of pushing him away and losing him because of my insecurities and paranoia. But at the same time, I don't want to neglect my feelings because of fear. Biting my tongue in the past as only led me to trouble. How can I get past it all? How do I become more secure with myself and our relationship?

I tell him everything, even if I'm scared he'll look at me differently, or scare him away! If I don't, my thoughts will eat me alive. He said he understands. I believe him.

I've always had a tendency to over-think and over-anaylize everything. How can I stop!?? The problem is with me. How do I solve it?

If anyone actually read through this entire thing, then thanks for listening to me rant! I do feel better having just release some of the negativity!





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