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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

you know, this sounds a little bit my last serious relationship. It was abt 2 years long. We had some MAJOR differences (race, religion, life practices like drinking, having sex). Everyone who read our characteristics on paper would probably think we'd be doomed from the start. But- we actually were as close as could be. He, too, like your boyfriend, was understanding, sensitive, etc. And put up with my tendency to want to talk and express.

The thing was, I didnt realize until after the relationship (yes, sorry to say it did not end well) that, even tho we had an amazing reltsp while it lasted, I think all of those major differences between us subconsciously made me feel insecure. HE was the virgin, the religious one, the guy who didnt drink, and I am anything but. He had a way of making me feel bad about that very subtly. Therefore- my tendency to talk was b/c I wanted him to assure me of my insecurities about us. In the end, I think it made it worse b/c then he wouldnt answer the way I wanted him to, I still felt unworthy, and we had wasted a lot of time talking in which we could have just been having fun. And we KNEW how to have fun :)
However, I noticed one thing you said about how much you valued your relatinshp and that is why you wanted to make sure it was as good as it could be. That used to be my thinking exactly!!! I can totally relate. It was like I cared so much that at times maybe I...smothered it.

But I cant really blame myself- the main reason for our demise was his immaturity and wanting to play the field. And not being able to admit that. But I also didnt help by doing what he probably viewed as nagging, constantly talking about 'us', etc. I look back sometimes and think oh god! WHY. But- then I answer myself and I remember that we were long distance, so talking was all we had a lot of times. Hence why we were so close.

Anyway, Im babbling, but let me say I can really relate. I used to believe that communication was the key to relationships. However, overtalking can be damaging. It can drive you both crazy- him, b/c even understanding and sensitive guys cant talk that much, and you, b/c often times you wont be getting the response you want. This is just my personal experience. Now I think that the key to relationships, among many things, is fun. Maybe let some things go and just concentrate more on just being relaxed and enjoying each other. I doubt your relationship will suffer that greatly if you let some things slide.

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