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Looking for Advice
Dec 6, 2006
Alright, so where to begin. I am a 23 year old who lives in Kelowna BC. I was born and raised on Malcom Island BC. A Small island toward the north end of Vancouver Island. I was born February 13 1983. My dad is French Canadian and was adopted and my mom is from Ontario. She was a hippy and did a lot of drugs and it has had an affect on her. She and my dad divorced when I was anywhere from 5-8 I have this vision of him walking across the front yard and out the gate but I don't know if it was real.

My mom is a very physical person. We(my brothers and sisters) were spanked a lot and she has always had problems with how many animals she has. At some points she had anywhere from 20-30 bunnies, 15-20 cats, 7-10 dogs and usually a horse, bird, and/or hamster as well as a bunch of chickens thrown in. When we were really young she had cows and goats and sheep also. She gets very obsessed with things and has a hard time not getting a lot of each thing she has. Clocks, Fairy statues, tea cups, cats, dogs, horses, kids. She loves us a lot and always lets us know but she was almost smothering. Never wanting us to go over to friends houses. She used to make us take turns sleeping in her room (nothing funny just sleep) which was fun when we were very little but she wasn't very good about it when we got older. She was very good at guilt tripping. She wasn't very good at making us keep clean so we got made fun of a lot. One of the biggest issues I have is she is a "devout Christian" yet she used to change price tags on clothes so she could afford to get them for us (she spent a lot of her animals and obsessions so not a lot was left over). My older sister always talked about how she(my mom) was obsessed with sex. I don't really remember much of that but then again I was young. She doesn't care what anyone else thinks. (Like neighbors getting mad about all the animals etc.) She does try to make others happy as well but she can be pretty self centered.

My dad is an alcoholic. He also smokes pot a lot and he used to do harder drugs. We used to go visit him on weekends and holidays and stuff. I remember him growing pot in his basement to sell or up in the loft were we slept. Sometimes I wanted to rip it all out. He is very verbally abusive. When we were little we just took advantage of his drinking to do whatever we wanted. But as I got older is bothered me, and I started to let him know and he didn't like it. One thing I remember is when my sister, my brother and I were at his house for dinner and he was telling my brother sexist jokes so I got mad at him. he didn't like that and told my I was a cold ***** just like my mother. I got up and grabbed my stuff and left. Another time around Christmas I was getting mad at him for drinking and he got mad and started saying how if my grandparents knew what I was saying to him they would tell me off and never speak to me again.
I haven't spoken to him since 2002 the last 3 times I did were: 1) the day of my grade 12 graduation when me and my sister went to remind him about my grad and found him passed out on the couch. We still hoped he would come but I guess not he was "sick" {My older sister found him at the bar when she got back on the island that night}. 2) A few weeks after that when I saw him on the road he tried to blame it on his being sick and then he started saying he would remember that stuff more if we came to see him more and he started to make it my brothers and sisters and my fault. 3) He called my house to apologize about a year later he was very drunk and said sorry but then started blaming other things.
Right now I am in what I feel is a healthy relationship. My fiance and I have been together for just over 2 years. We get a long and can talk to each other about our problems. We have our disagreements but we try to wait to sort them out until we can to it at least somewhat maturely without screaming and throwing things like my mom and dad did/do. I really love him. I want to be able to make this all work. But I worry about emotional baggage from my past. I get really depressed sometimes. My older sister has said that I should see a counselor about it but I cant afford to pay for one and I have had trouble finding one thats free. If you can help me there that would be great. I live in Kelowna British Columbia.
Basically I am looking for the above as well as someone else's advice about if they think I should look into counseling or what. Maybe even someone on here could help me out.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope I hear from you :confused:
Jay





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