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Relationship Health Message Board


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I went through a bad breakup and thought the same things. He was the most impt person to me at the time, and my friends were his friends, etc. I had my own friends of course, but nothing that was remotely close to the relationship I had with him.
So when that ended I felt the same way- that I would be lonely forever, that I would never have another person in my life that would fulfill me in remotely the same way. It seemed it was me, myself, and I...and maybe a friend or 2 from time to time.
The way to get over this mentality is, well, to give it a lot of time initially to mourn the losses. One of the hardest things about breakups is that you want to get over the pain immediately and just move on, but breakups (and a cease in any relationship really, such as you and your sister) are like deaths sometimes. You have to give yourself time to mourn, and feel lonely, and cry and soak your pillow. It hurts, so we want to move on and we wonder why we can't, but its part of the process.
Secondly, I think a lot of it is all in your attitude. For myself, after a substantial amount of time, I started realizing how better off I was. I started really focusing on myself, doing things that would give me the opportunities to meet new people and expland my social life. That is very important, b/c breakups teach you that friends and social relationships are essential. They may not complete you like a boyfriend and sister do, but...I dont know. YOu might be surprised. I recently met a group of 4 girls from work and they are like no other girls Ive ever met- we remind me of the Sex and the City girls sometimes (minus the Jimmy Choos). And I would have never thought i would have met friends as supportive of them. And I think- if I was still with my ex, I probably wouldn't be very close with them.
I understand depression can be debilitating. My dads depressed. But maybe try really pushing yourself to be proactive, to get out there and try new things that allow you to meet other people. Because you never know. Do things for YOURSELF and make yourself happy. With a decent attitude you may notice that you're not as lonely as you think.





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