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[QUOTE=thesedays]
The more I focus on this one issue, the more I see how totally irresponsible his behavior is and I'm becoming very bitter.[/QUOTE]

I can see you getting bitter if he were abusive toward youor deliberately set out to hurt you, but, with all due respect, I'm not sure how fair it is for you to become bitter toward someone when they are just being who they are. He's just being who he is. You are the one making the decision to put up with it and live with it and take it as a condition of being his girlfriend. It wouldn't be fair of you to hold him responsible for the decisions that you are choosing to make.


[QUOTE=thesedays]Then other parts of my mind, and HIM included (as he's mentioned this many times). Why do I care what he does with his money as long as he's giving me a certain portion for the bills?[/QUOTE]


Didn't you say that even though he's had an increase in income, he still contributes a disproportionate amount to household expenses? $40 is a pretty nice chunk of change. What if you wanted to go to the movies with your girlfriends this weekend, or finish Christmas shopping with that money that you now no longer have, and you are at his mercy as to when you will ever get it back. Wouldn't it have been nicer and more convenient fo ryou if he had anticipated this expense and taken it upon himself to set aside $40 to take care of it instead of using you as his own personal ATM machine? The fact that he pays you back next paycheck isn't really the point. He feels that as long as he has you there working two jobs, he can feel free to be as irresponsible with money as he wants, because good ol' thesedays will be there to whip out a couple of 20s or to give him some cash when he's low. To my mind, that's being rather disrespectful to you. I can understand why this would make you bitter, it would make me bitter as well, but then I would remember that I chose him and everyday I am the one making the choice to stay with him and deliberately keep someone in my life who treats me like a safety net and his own ATM machine.

You ask why should you care what he does with his money? If you were to marry, or even co-sign a loan for a house or a car, you should care about what he does with his money because his credit rating becomes your credit rating, and a bad credit rating takes years to repair.

But why ask why? The point is, you do care that he buys cokes and take out food for every meal instead of helping with the groceries and saving money and basically being a responsible adult. I don't blame you at all for caring, but it seems that he sees no problem in it, and he is making no moves to change, and words will not motivate him. Men don't understand "we need to talk about this, this isn't working for me, I need more of this from you." Men only understand "see my bags? They're packed and I'm walking out the door because you refused to see that I needed more of this from you and you never gave it." Only then do men seem to care about bettering themselves. Right now, his behavior isn't costing him anything, so why should he change when he's got it pretty good the way things are now? He doesn't really care that it bothers you, he can shove that down in the back of his mind and not worry about it. The point is, no matter how much your mouth says it bothers you, your actions keep telling him you really don't mind that much, because you keep staying and you keep giving. Seems to me you have two choices - accept who he is with a smile and take the thorns with the roses, or find another man who has all his good qualities AND who also shares your values on financial responsibility. Or you could try just cutting him off. The next time he says "hey, the guy needs $40 bucks, can you pay him and I'll catch up with you next payday?" you could try saying "No, sorry." But the writing is on the wall. He's never going to change his behavior without a really good reason to, so you have to change your behavior. Whatever happens next, any positive change that will take place, is totally up to you.





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