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Relationship Health Message Board

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The mother
Dec 13, 2006
Hey everyone.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now. She is 20, i am 22. I dont feel i am a priority in her life. She has agreed she wants to please her mum and make sure she is happy, which irritates me.

For a while now i have asked her to travel with me. She wont do it because her mother doesnt want her to. She even deliboratley took holidays from work when she knew i was at uni, after telling me she couldnt get them when i was off (lie! - i work part time where she works). This was to avoid the possibility of me asking. Anyway, after 3 or 4 denials i decided i wanted to just go away, so i went and booked a trip without asking her to come. Its a Contiki, which if you dont know involves alot of drinking, and typically sex. I can understand why she wouldnt like that but i would never cheat on my partner. She wouldnt travel with me, and no friend of mine could, but i didnt want that to stop me going. Her reponse to this was that she wanted to go away 3 times next year! without me! I spoke to her and she changed her attitute and asked me to come with her on one. Yay! but she didnt mean it, shes gone and booked a trip with her mum and dad and can no longer afford to go away with me. Rude or what? I feel so unimportant to her. I ask 4 times to go on holiday and she says no, her mum says she wants to go away and she goes and organises it straight away! Not only thatm but she asked me to go with her when she didnt mean it. Am i wrong to be upset about this issue?

The other thing, we are still virgins because she isnt ready. Fine, i dont force the issue, and she doesnt like talking about it. When she is ready, she is ready. I am fine with it (would be nice to get some sexual contact of some sort though, but thats another issue!) Except i think it may be more when her mum is ready, she is ready. My partner told me the other week the her mother said that she would feel guilty if i got her daughter pregnant! What a joke! its no business of her mothers. Like i said at the top, my partner doesnt want to upset her mother, so this influences her life and decisions, and her mum knows it.

I know she is only 20, but family means so much to my partner. In the words of the mother - "family will always be there for you, boyfriends may not". I can not be with somebody who wont make her own decisions. I can not be with somebody who has a mother who affects my relationship so greatly. I dont know if it will change, and dont want to find out in x years that it wont. What would you do? Hope it changes, with the possibility that it may not, or get out now, perhaps with regrets? I am not happy with the relationship as it is. I love her and there are great things about us, but i can not stand these issues inparticular.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!

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