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There are still quite a few of my boyfriend's friends who I haven't met, because we have a long distance relationship and only see each other on the weekends, and his friends are away at college. They are all going to be back for Christmas break, and my boyfriend wants me to meet them. Yes, apparently they tolerate his cousin's behavior. I don't think they are as rude and crazy as his cousin, but they put up with his behavior, which really gets me. In fact, EVERYONE puts up with this kid's behavior. It is a constant source of tension between me and my boyfriend because while my boyfriend consistently agrees that his cousin is an idiodic, out of control jerk, he bails him out of trouble time and time again and keeps hanging out with him. I know they are family, but come on. Even this kid's MOM lets him get away with his behavior--she is first hand witness to much of it, and he gets no reprimand at all from her (he is 23, so she can't really do much, but I would expect that if he acts like a child, he can be treated like one too).

The way I was brought up is, if you screw up, you take responsibility for your actions and handle the consequences yourself. This guy suffers minor, if any, consequences and refuses to take any responsibility. This is mean, but I was hoping he got a DUI instead of reckless op for driving drunk, but alas, he got a slap on the wrist, had to pay a fine, and is off the hook. I wish my boyfriend would stop hanging out with him altogether, because I feel that as long as he is there for him, his cousin's behavior won't stop. My boyfriend claims that he is the only true friend his cousin has, and while he can't stand his behavior, he can't just sit back and watch him self-destruct because he is family, and he believes that he has some sort of psychological disorder that is way past the norm and is the cause for much of his behavior.

I didn't mean to make it sound like my boyfriend is OK with his behavior--he has talked to him about it, YELLED at him about it, and explained to him that since he can't respect me, he is not going to be around him when I am in town. That held true for about two weeks, before this whole "I want you to meet my friends" thing came up. I am in a hard position because while I feel liek I owe it to him to meet his friends, I don't want to let his cousin off the hook AGAIN.
This all sounds quite familliar. My boyfriend is much the same way. A good guy almost to a fault, he has quite the collection of annoying, worthless, drunk/stoner friends. And while none of these friends has ever been disrespectful to me, they are still not the type of people I would choose to surround myself with. But my boyfriend implored me to give them a chance, to not be so judgemental, to not put him in the middle. So I became a good sport and went with the flow. Nearly three years later however, I am wishing that I got out when I had the chance.

What happened to me won't happen to you (god forbid) but from my experience there are a lot of red flags here. There is nothing wrong with caring about family members, but you have to be able to see when their self-destruction is starting to hurt you, and other people that you care about. This will likely be a theme throughout your whole relationship.

I don't think you should feel bad for your boyfriend. He has taken HIS problem and made it YOUR problem. If he doesn't mind putting up with his out of control cousin, hey, that's his decision. But now he is expecting you to deal with this too, and that is [I]not fair[/I]. At all. You have every right to refuse to be anywhere near him, or any other of his friends that you dislike.

Stick to your guns. Even if it costs you this relationship. Seriously. Good luck...

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