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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I too dated my fair share of what most women would not consider the most attractive men. It's not all about looks for me. I find that really attractive guys have huge egos and turn out to be total *$$holes!

Don't sell yourself short, personality goes a long way. Personally, I find a sense of humor to be one of the most attractive things about a man. Someone who doesn't take himself too seriously and can roll with the punches. My husband is tall, very thin, has a larger nose, and tends to wear a lot of "grandpa" sweaters, but he can always make me laugh and he treats me like a princess. I wouldn't trade that in for Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, or any one of those other guys.

Hygeine does go a long way with how you feel about yourself. I find that most women think if I guy doesn't do the basics like shower, shave, and brush his teeth that they just don't have a lot of confidense or self esteem which I find unattractive. So if you aren't already doing these basics this will help. Also, when you are out watch your body language. Stand tall, make eye contact, and SMILE!!!!!

I'm sure you're not even half as bad as you are making yourself out to be. You say it's not a confidense thing, but I totally think it is.

Best of luck to you!!!!!!!!!
I truly believe that women are more picky than men. Men get a bad rap. True they are visual. But women are even more superficial when it comes to looks. Men will be attracted to most women just because they are women. There is no mystery. Even if a woman is average or homely even....most men will find a woman attractive just because she is a woman. If a woman has even one physical attribute, most men will find her sexy. But the opposite is not true for women. They put much more importance on the way a man looks facially than men do. Women only go weak in the knees for truely model perfect, men with chiseled faces. If a man is ugly or even average...unless he has money or power...MOST women won't find him attractive at all. "Nice Guy" is code for average or ugly. Men truly get a bad rap for being shallow when it comes to looks....but I truly believe men are much more accepting and easy to find more women attractive. While women are much more picky and perfectionist. And not only about looks. But money and career too. There is so much pressure on men. Women have the power sexually. At least until a certain age. Men don't want models. That is a fallacy. Women and gay men control the fashion industry, and put pressure on themselves. Sadly most women try to land the "hot guy" when they are young. As they get older, they try to land the "rich AND hot guy". Then they just try for the "rich guy"....and lastly, they regret the funny nice average guys they ignored all those years ago. Tragic. :-)
Talking generally? Physically what do men and women find beautiful? Of course this varies and everyone has their own likes and dislikes....but I have a theory.

Underneath it all, on a purely physical level I believe that women are attracted to handsome male faces, and men are more attracted to female bodies.

Think about it. Men will look at and be attracted to an average or even ugly woman with a nice body. While for a woman to consider a man HOT, he has to have a handsome face. Even an average or ugly guy with a GREAT body won't be considered HOT by women in general.

I think this is the big difference between men and women on a physical level. I wish it was the other way around. Because you can change a body by working out, but you are kinda stuck with your face. So in that regard, women have it ALOT easier. Men are far less picky. While women are MUCH more picky.

I know this seems opposite of what is normally believed. Men get a bad rap for being shallow. But women are even more so.

Again think about it. If a woman has ONE nice bodily feature, or works out...MEN will think she is HOT. That is a huge boost in her ego, and women do have an easy power over men. I truly believe that the pressure women feel is not from men. This is a lie. I believe women put pressure on other women. They compete and cause their own pain.

While men are stuck with the face they are given. If they are average or ugly...they can work out all they want. They can have an olympic athletes body, and they will never be looked at as HOT by women in general. The ONLY way to make women look at them differently would be if they were rich or famous. But take away that fame or money, and they'd go back to being average joes.

THIS is the big difference between men and women. An average or even ugly woman who has a nice body will be LUSTED after. So in this way, women have it alot easier. Men in general will pay them attention and consider them HOT and SEXY. They don't need to be rich or famous. Something as simple as a nice body, boobs, butt or legs will get a woman noticed.

Most Women have this INCREDIBLE power over men. Their enemy is not men. The only thing they fear is getting older. Age slowly takes their sexual power away. Many women blame men for then being shallow(only wanting young women). But for most of their young lives they had SUPREME power over men. Men are the ones who faced rejection, pain and suffering. So to suddenly loose that power, many women blame men. I think this is unfair. I think the happiest women are the ones who treat men nicely and don't abuse their sexual power when they are younger. That way when they get older, they won't feel bad when their sexual power begins to fade.
Well ya ever watch Seinfeld...the show where they say "only 5% are date-able" Being unattractive should not keep you from finding someone to live your life with. LOOK AROUND YOU! I think 5% is being generous! 95% of the population are pretty much unattractive. We try to compare ourselves to celebrities and they do not represent the general population...they are the most beautiful people and represent a very very small % of the population! Then you have the people that are attractive but are such rotten people that who'd want to be with them!? Give me a middle of the road attractive man that's a good person any day over some guy that's an AH and thinks he's god's gift to women!
take away all the modern technology and culture, and underneath it all, we are animals...sexual animals. There is nothing more life affirming then being wanted sexually. To be the object of desire from the opposite sex. At least in ones youth, it can lift ones spirit and make one feel powerful. its primal. and on a sexual level, men have it worse. MUCH worse than women. women have it much easier. They have all the sexual power. why? simply because MOST men find MOST women sexy. MOST men see most women in a sexual way. There are less criteria that makes a women hot. Now men are often bashed for this, but if you really look at it, it means that men find most women attractive just for being a woman. a woman by the sheer virtue of her femininity has the power. now most women dont want attention from ALL men. Women are more selective. more picky. And that is their perogative. After all, biologically they make more of a sacrifice giving birth.

BUT, in todays modern world it is brutal for men. Think about it. A woman could have an average or homely face, and yet if she has nice breasts, or butt or takes care of her body...she WILL have sexual power, and men will look at her in a sexual way. Now before any feminists jump all over that statement as sexist...NO!!! Just the opposite is true. Most women will feel the desire of the opposite sex....feel the joy in that power.

Now the same can't be said for men. Unfortunately for a man to have that same animalistic sexual attraction from women, they have to have a handsome face. If you are an average or homely guy in the face...you will NEVER get the same universal sexual reaction from the mass majority of women. You could work out in the gym all you want...but no matter how buff or masculine your body....if your face is average or homely...you will NEVER have the same kind of power that an average or homely woman with a nice body has. EVER!

Thats because male celebrity or "hotness" is MOSTLY based on the face...where as female hotness is mostly based on the body.

Now you can EASILY change the body if you are overweight either thru excercise or surgery. But men with an average or homely face will always be average or homely to the mass female population. They won't feel the power of that kind of attraction.

Even the handsome men still have to jump thru all sorts of hoops and are judged in ways that women never are. Sure the hot guys will get easy sex...but when it comes to relationships, even handsome men are also judged by their job, their career, their status, their car, etc. While most men don't care or judge women in this way...even in this day of equality between the sexes.

So average or homely men have it worst of all. Even if they are lucky enough to get the attention of an attractive woman, they still have more hurdles to jump thru. It is so stressful.

Women complain that men oggle them...yet in reality, they don't mind being looked at at all. They just want to be looked at by hot guys. Most men would die to be oggled by a woman. To be lusted after. But for the mass majority of men, that will NEVER happen.They will never feel this power. While average or even homely women feel this power all the time. Average women KNOW they have this power and that is why they always go for the bad boy or hot guy even when he treats her like crap. Women are a sucker for a hot male face just as men are suckers for a hot body.

Women don't have to try hard at all. Men on the other hand are handicapped from the get go.If you don't have a handsome face, forget it...you are at a loss. All an average woman has to do is put on some jeans and a t shirt, and they will turn the head of most men. Think of that power.

Good looking men have this power. Only men with handsome faces have this kind of power. Women act like crazed sexual creatures when a man with a handsome face walks in a room. You ALL have seen it. But what women fail to admit is that MOST women have this power. They don't have to have a models face. THIS is my point. So the vast majority of men will never feel this power that handsome men and MOST women possess. EVER.
Jimmy,

May I suggest online dating? Why online dating. Well, I too had trouble getting dates. So I joined one of these dating websites. I actually began talking to someone who I never saw his picture and that was 9 months ago. He has become a very important part of my life. I think by communicating via the internet, email and IMing each other, we got to know each other and by the time we met, we had known eachother almost inside out. We both admitted to each other that had we met on the street, we would have passed eachother by because we didn't meet eachothers' physical criteria. But now that we know each other, I think he is the most handsome man in the world.

Regardless of how you choose to meet people, one thing is important. People will perceive you based on how you perceive yourself. Remember that God created you the way He wanted to create you and because of that....you are beautiful.

Take care.
[QUOTE=dobedobedo;3103364] While for a woman to consider a man HOT, he has to have a handsome face. Even an average or ugly guy with a GREAT body won't be considered HOT by women in general.[/QUOTE]

Yes. I totally agree. Everybody makes the false assumption that a guy who shaves his head is hot to women if he has confidence, etc, is clean cut yada yad yada,

BUT, that's assuming he looks good that way! If he's got an ugly face (crooked nose, etc ) women will not find him attractive. And w/o the "initial physical attraction" that most women require, they will have no interest in this type of guy.

[QUOTE=dobedobedo;3103364]Because you can change a body by working out, but you are kinda stuck with your face. So in that regard, women have it ALOT easier. Men are far less picky. While women are MUCH more picky.

I know this seems opposite of what is normally believed.
Men get a bad rap for being shallow. But women are even more so.[/QUOTE]

This is true as well. All women have to do is go to the gym, watch their diet, etc... and they seem to get much more oppurtunities in life. It seems as if everything just "comes to them" They have freinds, meet sexual partners, etc. The same is NOT true for men who go to the gym, watch their diet, take care of themselves, etc...


[QUOTE=dobedobedo;3103364]While men are stuck with the face they are given. If they are average or ugly...they can work out all they want. They can have an olympic athletes body, and they will never be looked at as HOT by women in general. The ONLY way to make women look at them differently would be if they were rich or famous. But take away that fame or money, and they'd go back to being average joes.

[/QUOTE]

Again, I agree with this. I am one of those ugly guys that is bald, shave my head, work out regularly, I'm very clean cut, confident, wear nice sharp clothes, have a good career, etc. But, I have crooked nose, and a weird shaped face and head, and scars on my scalp. I'm a very ugly guy from the shoulders up.

Women always reject me if I ask them out, and they NEVER notice me - I always have to get their attention. Then, they act "annoyed" because a loser such as myself is trying to talk to them. Anyways, I'm confident, I smile at them, I say interesting things to them and some even laugh, etc.

But, they are NEVER interested. Women never want to go out with me - even if i'm friends with them first for years, they never, ever want to hook up. I havn't had a date in 15 years!

They always give me the "i'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend" routine. Or, "I'm married" - but I look at their hand and they're never wearing a wedding ring!

Other guys think i'm gay, because i'm never with a women on a date. I have to pay $$, to get any ... - you get the idea.

A few times a couple of my friends and relatives have tried to hook me up on "blind dates" But, the women run away and refuse to go on the date before it even starts (as soon as they see me), or they will deny the invitation once they see a picture of my face (after initially accepting it).

Its very sad and lonely to be me. But, its like one previous poster said, I'll have to live this way for the rest of my life. :(
I realize this is an old thread, but I wanted to add my $.02
I've also struggled with this problem my entire life. I'm clean and fit...I have good hygiene (shower daily, brush my teeth, use deodorant, wear clean clothes, ect.) I'm in excellent physical shape..tall, blue eyes, lean, muscular and toned. Although it has thinned slightly with age I still have a full head of hair. But, no matter how well groomed I am and how nicely I dress there's nothing short of plastic surgery or a full face transplant than can fix my appearance. I don't need anyone to tell me I have a face only a mother could love...its rather obvious to most people including myself. No matter how much effort I put into my apperance to make up for what I lack it doesn't matter...I'm all but invisible to women. I've never once been approached or flirted with by the opposite sex and I've been called ugly and rejected enough times both in real life and on dating sites to know that looks DO matter.

Several years ago I did an experiment on a free dating site. I created two identical profiles using the exact same message content and attached pictures to both of them. On one profile I used a photo of myself, a good picture in which I was smiling and well dressed. In the other profile I used a picture I swiped off of hotornot.com of a young attractive man. I changed the location on each profile so they both wouldn't show up under the same search results, but I placed each one in a large metropolitan area with similar populations. I left both profiles up for two weeks. During that time I recieved zero replies on my profile, while the fake one got over a dozen messages. The results of my experiment were hardly surprising.





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