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Re: Do you love me?
Dec 22, 2006
[QUOTE=minnesotagirl] I think you should look at his actions to determine that.

For me, saying I love you wasn't such a huge issue. I was OK if my BF didn't want to say it right away. I said it to him after about 6 months, but it took him almost two years to say it back. When he did it was a big moment for us. Now it is a normal thing to say (we've been together almost 5 years). But, I'm glad it took him awhile, because I know he really means it.

Obviously you're a different person than me, and waiting that long is not an option for you. So I suppose you should ask him again. But seriously consider this. Does he treat you well? Does he do things that show he loves you (such as including you in his activities, thinking about you often, etc.)? Perhaps you should really consider all of that before asking him again. If he's a good guy, you might scare him off by asking it over and over and then regret your actions. If you MUST know and there are no other alternatives for you, if he won't say it, then perhaps this relationship wasn't meant to be.

Of course, if you don't think his actions tell you that he loves you, then you need to tell him that. Say you want the words because his actions aren't there. But really, if his actions don't say, then he probably doesn't feel it.

Good luck![/QUOTE]

Thank You all for replying.

.

To those of you who annouced your love but had to wait for return: Its good to know someone else who has waited for love- i was feeling very alone on this. one/two years? didnt it bother you? didnt it make you feel insecure? or did you just know he loved you?

yes- he is a very, very good boyfriend. nothing to complain about really.
people always tell us what a good fit we are. we are

his actions, most of the time, suggest he is madly in love with me. but other times, im not too sure. it depends...you get highs and lows of a relationship.

but if he truely loved me, wouldnt he be wanting to tell me? just sometimes id like to know he felt that special way about me. i dont need to be told every minute of the day...just to know once and for all.
thats all.

i know id probably scare him off. i do hold back. i just come here to vent and get it off my chest.

everything is fine...other than the fact that he doesnt say those words...im scared he never will. but i shouldnt be scared- itll just mean he isnt the one and there is someone better out there for me who will love me truely.

im getting a mixture of responses.
i want to wait for him, i really do. but i just find it really unbearable sometimes. its hard. but your posts have helped. thank you.
Re: Do you love me?
Dec 28, 2006
You asked me if I felt insecure when it took my boyfriend almost two years to tell me that he loved me. No, I didn't feel insecure because I didn't need his love to feel justified. I love myself enough to not need to hear it from him. I said it to him because I felt it, but I didn't want to pressure him to say it back. I knew by his age at the time (21-23 years old) that being in love wasn't a priority for him. Originally, he probably just wanted monogomous, regular sex (hehe). Plus, his actons told me that he loved me. What specific actions? Well, mainly it was the fact that he wanted to see me every day (we live closeby too, so that is easy for us to do) and also that he included me on family events, and family is very important to him, and also that he included me on activities he did with his friends (also very important to him). So that's why I didn't need to hear the words. Of course I wanted to hear them, and I dreamed of the day when he'd say them, but it wasn't a requirement for me. Anyway, I wasn't insecure about it. One day he just came out and said it, too, it was a bit strange, but I knew that by then, he really meant it. However, this might not be the case for you and your boyfriend. You could try giving him the ultimatum. I do think that appearing less needy to him (spending some time apart) could help move him along in the emotional cycle. Men do tend to want what they can't have. And, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Good luck and I hope you stop hurting soon.

Oh and another thought -- some people find it very hard to say the words "I love you" ... they even find it just plain awkward to say. Its not always easy. I can't even say it to my parents because its like I feel embarassed .. if that makes sense. I can now say it to my BF but that's about it! Maybe my cat, too! :)
Re: Do you love me?
Dec 28, 2006
[QUOTE=minnesotagirl]You asked me if I felt insecure when it took my boyfriend almost two years to tell me that he loved me. No, I didn't feel insecure because I didn't need his love to feel justified. I love myself enough to not need to hear it from him. I said it to him because I felt it, but I didn't want to pressure him to say it back. I knew by his age at the time (21-23 years old) that being in love wasn't a priority for him. Originally, he probably just wanted monogomous, regular sex (hehe). Plus, his actons told me that he loved me. What specific actions? Well, mainly it was the fact that he wanted to see me every day (we live closeby too, so that is easy for us to do) and also that he included me on family events, and family is very important to him, and also that he included me on activities he did with his friends (also very important to him). So that's why I didn't need to hear the words. Of course I wanted to hear them, and I dreamed of the day when he'd say them, but it wasn't a requirement for me. Anyway, I wasn't insecure about it. One day he just came out and said it, too, it was a bit strange, but I knew that by then, he really meant it. However, this might not be the case for you and your boyfriend. You could try giving him the ultimatum. I do think that appearing less needy to him (spending some time apart) could help move him along in the emotional cycle. Men do tend to want what they can't have. And, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Good luck and I hope you stop hurting soon.

Oh and another thought -- some people find it very hard to say the words "I love you" ... they even find it just plain awkward to say. Its not always easy. I can't even say it to my parents because its like I feel embarassed .. if that makes sense. I can now say it to my BF but that's about it! Maybe my cat, too! :)[/QUOTE]

Thanks for that. It helps to hear from others like yourself.

wow, it must have been great to have heard those words from him. how and when did he say it? hows your relationship now? what a heartwarming story. do you think he always loved you, but felt awkard to say it? or do you think it took him a long time (i know it can take a long time).

How could you be so sure though that he loved you when he didnt say it? didnt you think to yourself, if he was in love, he would say it? I guess i know what you mean. I use to be so sure my boyfriend was in love by looking at his actions. but this past month and a half hasnt been great. Thats making me doubt things. Plus when I asked him two months ago, he couldnt say he was entirely, and couldnt say he wasnt. he begged for more time.

Sometimes, I let this grab hold of me, i get miserabe and it can lead to an obsessionn. But other times, I just couldn't care less- i know he could never do better than me. but then i get all insecure again.

I know what you mean about the awkardness of "i love yous" i cant say it to my parents and it took ALOT of courage on my part to say it to my boyfriend.

Ive decided to give this a little longer and def do the whole "distance" thing. i think it would help. i got very upset and confused before, as shown in my posts. but after a good vent, i seem to be fine. its strange.





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