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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I'm not going to tell you to give this woman another chance onyR, because she's hurt you badly not once but twice, and I dont know every detail of the facts either, so I think if you make that decision it has to come from the person who knows all the facts, which would be you. But I will say that it is possible for some people to get over infidelity, as me and my bf have done. To get over infidelity there has to be a real and genuine sense of remorse and I saw that in my bf's behaviour and in his eyes, so I decided to give him another chance, and he hasnt let me down in that way since. We've been together over four years and the infidelity happened in the early days (during the first year) of our relationship when he wasnt as sure of the relationship as I was, not that that excuses him for the hurt he caused.

What I'm saying is, if you do decide to give her another chance, you'd need to know that there is that sense of remorse and I think in a woman who tells you she's so eaten alive by guilt she dosent even want to wake up in the morning, that remorse is clear to be seen. I think that gives you the basics of a foundation for moving beyond this if that is what you both truly want; but she has got to KNOW, in no uncertain terms, that her behaviour can NEVER be repeated. My bf knows this because I made damn sure he did. He also knows if he ever puts me through that again I'll be straight out the door. I told him if he ever cheated again to give me the courtesy of a phone call and let me know what he was about to do so that I could start moving on with my life straight away. He knows that is something I will NEVER accept again. If you do decide to try again with this woman she has got to be very very clear in her mind that in cheating again she will be ending the relationship. If you decide to try again you've got to tell her this - you've got to MEAN IT, and she's got to KNOW that you mean it, otherwise you'd just be letting yourself in for a relationship filled with emotional pain. Good luck whatever you decide.

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