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the past four days have been someof the worst in my life and i'd like some advice please.

for some background info,

my parents....
my family is european, but we live in north america. there has been a bit of a culture clash, since the kids were raised with collectivist values (what we do reflects on our paretns, and we must sacrafice, even our own happiness, if it benefits the family), in a north american culture.

when i was 18, i wanted to go to art school but was told by my parents i had to go to real school. so off to uni i went (i was supposed to go to law school, and i am the only academically inclined child in the family, so i was given a lot of pressure) but instead i got a bachelors degree almost two years ago and decided not to pursue law. that was my first rebellion. while in school i had been bugging my parents to do a semestre abroad or do some travelling (although i have been to europe many times, i haven't gone to 'unapproved european countries' and i have not been allowed to travel outside of europe); they told me i could do that after i finished school. i always had this nagging suspicion they were lying...i mean once you finish school, you go straight to work and when can you travel (or travel and work like i wanted to do). But because they had paid for everything while i went to school, i thought it disrespectful to so blatanly disobey them by taking off when i finished school.

two years after grad (i am 23 now) i have a 'fabulous' job money/perks-wise but i am not happy. i feel like i am dying a little more every day. i tell them i want to do international aid but they get mad. and i have not wanted to rock the boat by going anywhere. my second rebelion was not moving back hoe after school and i am still getting a lot of flack about that. they feel international aid is not a good career choice because of the little pay. they ask me how this job is going and i say i hate it - they look away and say i need to appreciate it becasue its stable. i know they don't like to hear i am not happy but they think going after what i want is too big a risk.

my sister...

my sister and i travelled in europe this summer. we got home, and literaly 6 hrs after i stepped off the plane, i was at work. i worked 90 hrs a week for a year (this ended in october) and went to school part-time. neddless to say, taking care of my place, cooking, homeowrk, adn work left me exhausted.

i couldn't find a coupe of cds my sister and i bought in germany the first week we got home, and she started shooting off ultimatums after i asked her for some patience (as she works a 40 hr week, and lives at home and gets meals prepared, laundry done, etc). well anyway, i found her stuff, but i couldn't tell her for a while b/c i do not respond well to ultimatums.

fast forward to dec 28, she asks me if i want to go to mexico for the weekend, and be back in time for new years eve party. i have been wanting to go away for 2 months, the weekend i planned to in nov, my cousin died in a car accident and i have been dealing with that...so i said yes.

we get to the airport at 3:30am on the 29th (plane is at 6), i forgot my passport. totally my fault, i get it. i asked her to drive me home (i live 15min away from the airport). she had the hugest smile on her face, said too bad, and told me she had originally asked my thinking i would say no. whats worse is if had been a friend of hers to ask (and people who know her agree with this) she would have driven them. so i took a taxi and went home, i couldn't go back and go on a trip with someone who did this to me. i lost all my money for the trip.

i laid in bed crying for two days. when i called my mom that night she yelled at me for 20 min saying i humiliated her and what an embarrasement to the family i was (my sister called from mexico as soon as the plane landed and told her i was drunk and wasn't allowed on the plane, not true..we had both been to the bar before our flight, but i had baggage claim tickets on my luggage and everything). she said i didn't care about my parents happiness and i was selfish, inconsiderate and worthless. i told her she was out of line and hung up on her (the first time in my life i have done that).

my mom has called me before and yelled at me with these insults when she gets mad. then , like that night, she'll call me 20 min later and act as if nothing happened (this time, she called and asked if i would be home at all for the weekend). i can't call her ack..does she not realize i live in this stupid city and work in a job i hate for them? because i don't want to hurt them....i feel like i haven't sarted my life - i talked to my moms friend and my mom told her that she thought i would want to settle down and get married by now, she was really upset i was at a bar at my age (i'm 23). i am so shocked that my mom said that, having a bf is the last thing on my mind and i haven't got to do international help like what i've wanted...but they are willing for me to be in a job i hate as long as i do what they want.

i emailed my sister and told her i want all contact with her to stop. i am livid she told my mom i went to a bar..my sister drinks and drives, shes been doing it for 7 years. my mom found out about it a while ago and she thinks its done with but i can't tell my mom that she still does it expecially after the cousins accident. if my sister didn't stop wen my mom knew about it, she won't stop now, and its a lot for my mom to worry about. also my sister sleeps around (she is older btw) and i get calls from my community and calls from my mom crying, asking me if its true, and i have to deny it. anyway, that is y i am so mad at my sister...i used to bartend and my mom knows i go to the bar, but to paint me as a drunk after how many times i covered her *** is unforgiveable in my books.

i have not talked to my mom, i am sick of hearing i am worthless and i have done nothing for the family i expect to talk to her sometime in the future. i have not talked to my sister and frankly do not care if i do, she lies too much and betrayed me.

any thoughts or advice? thanks





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