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I'll try to sum this up as much as possible, but chances are it will be incredibly long anyways.

I'm 20. I was in a relationship for five years. It ended about 5 months ago. Quite frankly, I'm over it. I loved that girl, but when she went to college two years ago, it just went downhill. So when we finally split, it was to be expected, anyway. Plus the way it ended and some of the things went on, it just made me realize I had a lot to offer and I should find somebody who appreciates it.

So anyway, here's what happened. I met this new girl through work, let's call her Sue. Sue and I worked together for two years, however we rarely RARELY worked together. Now and then, I'd say once every 1-2 months, we'd find ourselves in the break room at the same time and we'd end up talking. Things just seemed to click, we were always friendly with each other and things just felt good. She had a boyfriend, I had a girlfriend. Both of the relationships have since ended, and her and I are both single.

So we start talking more, which leads into us calling each other and shortly thereafter going out. We went out a few times, I wouldn't call it a true "date" but it was very flirty and 1 on 1. We had fun doing that. I'd say after the 4th or 5th time we went "out" is when I actually asked her out. She didn't decline, and then we started a relationship.

Well, two weeks later, which was a few days ago, she and I got together. She explained to me that a mistake she continuously made in past relationships is not speaking up when she wasn't sure of something or had something on her mind. So I told her to speak up. She said well, how do you think things are going? I said pretty well, why? She said she wasn't sure. She just seemed like she was in a gray area.

The more we talked the more everything started to make sense, I guess. She didn't TELL me anything, she asked me if we could go back to being friends for a while and see how that goes. She said in the past she's always been friends with guys for a long time before they started dating, and that always worked out. The thing that hasn't worked out is her keeping her mouth shut when she sensed something a little "off," which is why she was talking to me about this. She said being friendly with each other on break at work, plus a few dates, THEN jumping right to dating isn't what she's used to.

She also told me she dated her ex for six months, and still thinks about him on and off. Now before you start going AH HAH!, listen up. She didn't mean it like I still want to be with him, they're long since done and he's across the nation. Now, here's the kicker. She told me that she still thinks about him on and off, and she was like, you dated your ex for five years, you have to think about her pretty often.

I said well, I wonder how she's doing, but that's about it. I said granted, she's a huge part of my history, but I can't control that, and all I can do is control the way my future goes. She said well, I just want to make sure I'm not a rebound or anything for you. If something happens, I want it to be real. And I said well I understand. She smiled and said you know, I really like how respectful you are of me, you treat me in ways other guys haven't and I appreciate that. I smiled and said well, I try my best.

In short: It sounded to me like she was just in a gray area. She just wanted to make sure that I wasn't using her as a rebound, and she also wanted to build a relationship off of a more concrete foundation. She said it felt like we were floating, and didn't have much of a firm grasp to build a relationship up. She said if we just remain friends, and the more time goes on the stronger a connection gets, then we'll see what happens.

But I don't know. I guess somehow I'm just... mixed up. One side of me is like, dude, it's over, move on find somebody else. Another side is like NO! She's amazing, and she's just looking out for her own well being, stick around her, try your best and see where the future takes you.

The other kicker is, she told me that in the past she's done this same thing, where she felt like she rushed into a relationship and kicked it back a notch to friendship before anything happened. She said that's when the guy just stopped calling her, so she knew that it wasn't worth it if he wasn't going to make an attempt to make the friendship stronger in order to build a relationship.

So what does everyone think? I swear I'm not using this girl as a rebound. When my ex and I split up, I looked at myself and evaluated everything that was going on. It was then I realized I had a lot to offer, and quite frankly I felt like I deserved someone who was going to treat me in the same way I'd treat her. When I met this girl, everything just fit. It was great. She was seriously a carbon copy of the "perfect match for me" I had envisioned in my brain all along. She's told me a few times she appreciates how gentlemanly I am, and was very happy to know that I wasn't going to stop talking to her when we kicked it back to friends. So what do you folks think? Just keep trying to be friendly with her and see what happens? A small small teeny part of me can't help but to think, maybe there's another guy and she wanted to be single to see what happens with him? I highly doubt it, she's a very "wholesome" and honest girl, she's just a really decent down to earth person, so I highly doubt that she'd do something like that. BUT STILL, I just need some outsiders opinions.

Ladies, Gents, what do you think? If you were in MY shoes, what would you do? If you'd try to do things with her, how often would you recommend? Should I talk to her once a week to do something? Five times a week? Once every six months? Never? I just need some comments/suggestions/opinions. Anything would help!





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