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Relationship Health Message Board

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Re: Counselling?
Jan 9, 2007
[QUOTE=Robbit]Hey all--

Just wondering if anyone has gone for personal counselling (marriage--but I am going myself by my choice) and if so--your thoughts on the whole experience? What can I expect? Worth it?


I've never been to marriage counseling, but after a really bad break up I went for a while. The main reason I went was because I play guitar and sing and my ex boyfriend was a musician as well, but he would always cut me down or make fun of my guitar playing, or laugh or criticize when I would be practicing or learning a new song and play a wrong chord, and he hated the way he sang, felt very insecure about his singing voice and one day we were listening to cds and one of my favorite songs with one of my favorite guitar solos and I half jokingly said "you're going to have to teach me that solo" and he said "yeah, right, you play guitar about as well as I sing." Well after we broke up I decided to get back to my music and performing again and it wasn't until I practiced up for an open mike night that I realized how damaged I had been by subjecting myself to that kind of treatment. The day before the open stage, I'd get so nervous that my hands would shake so bad I couldn't press down hard enough to form a chord. I thought a little more practice and I'll be fine, well, this went on for the better part of a year so I decided to get some help or give up music all together. I wasnt' ready to do that, so I saw a psychologist who specialized in performance anxiety, mostly with athletes, but we applied a lot of the same techniques, and it really helped, I got back onstage and can perform again like I used to before this relationship. I still had issues with depressiong and self esteem and such, though, and I continued to see her and two other psychiatrists (psychologists can't prescribe medication so I saw the psychiatrists to try a medication for depression) but none of that really worked for me. I mean, it didn't change the fact that I was alone, unloved, childless, etc etc all the things that I was sad about were still facts in my life, so it really didn't help me, and the medication they gave me just made me really really sick so they told me to stop taking it. They gave me the "well, then, we can try this, and if that doesn't work we can try this" and I said nope, not getting on that merry-go-round. So I just stopped going. I think everyone's experience is different, it depends on your particular situation, how well you can fix it, and how well your body chemistry adapts to medication, should they decide to prescribe for you.

But if you're having marital issues, it's really hard to talk about that with family or friends, because it can be hard for them to be unbiased and objective. I don't think there can be any harm at all in just sitting down and talking it out with someone for a few sessions just to get a different perspective, but choose wisely. Shop around a bit and find one you feel is on your side and one who is objective and helpful.

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