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Relationship Health Message Board


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I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over 8 years. He is gone all week for work, and is only home on the weekends. We have 2 kids together. Things always seemed to be fine between us until the past two years. We began to live seperate lives. It isn't so much the fact that he was gone all week, just that when he was gone, he wouldn't talk to me. Wouldn't really tell me how he was doing and would get upset if I talked about home. He started to pay less attention to me at home. I begged him to spend more time with me, alone, and get out of the house. More "dates" if you will. He tried, but never seemed to really have his heart in it. He would come home, and I would try to have sex with him, he would sometimes have problems getting excited, and if he did, he would allow me to "pleasure" him, but never paid attention to me. I told him I needed to be "happy" too, and if he didn't pay attention to me, I would go somewhere else. He told me to do what I needed to do. I finally gave up and had an affair, with his friend and co-worker. It went on for a year, only being a handful of instances. We kept it secret, and my relationship with my guy seemed to be getting better. So I ended the affair. That's when my guy started to talk to another woman on the phone. He never told me about her, I had found her number in his phone. He insists nothing ever happened with her, but my guilt made me not trust him. I called her and she told me that I had no business knowing who she was or what they do because I am his ex-wife. I told him this and he said he had no idea where she came up with that. Who lies to thier "friend" and says that their girlfriend is their ex-wife? I told him he needed to end his "friendship" with this woman, who lives in another state. He got upset with me, but ended it. We started to get along better, but I could not trust him when he would leave for the week. One night we got into an arguement and he went to the bar. He ended up taking some woman he had just met home and sleeping with her. He came home afterward, and when I accused him, he told me he ran out of gas, that's where he was. I didn't believe him, and the next day he came clean. He left me. And my guilt ate me up, and my heart was broken. He told me that he didn't love me, and that he hadn't for a long time. He told me that he only stayed with me to make me happy, that he didn't care. I begged him for a second chance, but he refused. He would come home from work and stay at this new woman's house. (From the bar) After a month, I decided to move on. He called me and told me not to, that he loved me and was coming home and we would work things out. But he'd come home, after talking to his new girlfriend all week, and not me, and decide to stay with her instead. That he didn't love me. He did this for three weeks, each time I went out, he'd find out, and call and stop me, only to come back to tell me he didn't love me. I came clean to him as he was leaving for the last time, and he got mad. Of course. I don't blame him. I know I did wrong. He also came clean to the fact that he had slept with 3 other women in the past, years before. Before all our problems even started. He said he could never touch me or love me now after what I had done to him. I told him that what I did was wrong, that I only did it because he wouldn't. I told him I still loved him and always would. He said he had had his affairs just because. It didn't bother him that he did it, because he didn't care. That he didn't think he was wrong. We decided it was over between us, but as he was going to leave, he wanted to kiss me goodbye. We ended up in bed and decided to stay together. We went on a 2-week "vacation" without the kids. (I went to work with him, he drives a truck) We spent every second of every day together and reconnected. Discussed how we got to this point and how to avoid it in the future. He's been home more, we go out more, and our sex life has never been this good. It's been 2 months now. He tells me he loves me, but I am having a hard time believing him. How can you believe someone who just 2 months earlier told you he didn't love you-to your face, looking you in the eye--that he had only told me that he loved me to make me happy. Now he insists he really does. And he's getting upset with me because I can't bring myself to trust him when he leaves, and to believe what he says now. He says he's happy now with me and can't imagine loving or being with anyone else ever again, if he can't have me. How do I trust and believe him? :confused:





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