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Relationship Health Message Board

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Laudhamurcy - You said in your initial post; “WHy do men insist on porn? I felt VERY unattractive about it”. If you feel this way don’t let yourself be talked into accepting it. I know I wouldn’t. Putting up with something that really goes against the grain for you will just cause resentments further down the line. Some women have no problem with porn and that’s their business; but I do. There is a lot more going on behind those glossy graphic photos than most people take the time to consider; it a demeaning exploitative industry that is hugely damaging to women; anyone who would argue with that ought to consider that it is FAR more often women from the lower social classes who are ensnared into having to take their clothes and have sex with strangers for money - hence the exploitative nature of the industry.

I’m not sure what you meant when you said you “felt VERY unattractive about it”, I’m not sure if you meant that the idea of him looking at porn images made you feel unattractive physically or made you feel insecure about the relationship or whether you felt you just weren’t into the idea of him looking at porn for whatever other reason, but regardless what the reason, if it’s going to cause problems in the relationship I think you owe it to the both of you to bring this issue up sooner rather than later. You don’t have to necessarily say anything about the receipt you found, as he probably was, as others have suggested, just covering up his embarrassment or trying not to give you an impression of him you may not appreciate this early on in the relationship. You could just initiate a conversation about porn sometime in the near future and tell him your honest feelings about it.

Someone said on this thread in relation to looking at porn “every man does”. That’s nonsense – mine doesn’t and he wasn’t into it before he met me either, it wasn’t something I had to ‘train him out of’, his area of sexual interest has always been living breathing women, which is a far healthier state of mind in my opinion. We’ve actually discussed this and he looked like he was having a bit of a deep think when I put it to him that at least nine out of ten of these girls dont want to be there on that photo shoot/camera set with their legs spread open. How many little girls of ten/eleven/twelve fantasise about being models/actresses as compared to strippers/porn stars?

It really bothers me that most people fail to recognise the porn industry for the form of abuse that it is, it’s economic enslavement paired with sexual exploitation and I don’t give a damn what anyone says; for most of the participants in this industry, that is the reality. I did a fairly extensive project on this in college, and nowhere did I find - a - single - women - who didn’t want to be doing something else. Maybe that will be an uncomfortable thought to the men who buy these videos and magazines, but the reality is they are participating in sexual exploitation. I guess that’s why men don’t generally look at the situation that way, unless they are forced to – which happens in the case that their sister/girlfriend comes home and announces they’re about to become a porn star/stripper/glamour model – then all hell breaks loose! Why? Because men DO know, somewhere in the back of their minds, that this is an exploitative industry; but they don’t tell themselves that consciously because that would make jacking off to the photos a somewhat guilt-inducing experience. Sexual exploitation is all very well, as long as it’s not their mothers/sisters/wives & girlfriends who are being exploited.

Someone else mentioned that “guys get mentally frustrated when they have a lack of sex”, well, this might come as a surprise to the person who wrote that, but so do women!! It doesn’t give us the right to get off in ways that our partner finds upsetting and offensive.

So Laudhamurcy, I’ve laid out my reasons for taking issue with porn. I honestly wouldn’t and couldn’t have a relationship with someone who had a regular porn habit. Whatever your own reasons are, they are valid, and if I were you I woudnt be letting any man convince me otherwise.

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