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Relationship Health Message Board

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No, it doesn't sound cheesy at all! I called him last night and ask if he had called due to the fact that my phone was turned off and he never leaves a voicemail he was just like very sarcasicly (i think) said"no" as if to say why would I call kinda thing... So, I was just like "okay fine then ...I guess I will let you go(didnt want to be a bother) He said, you want to say bye...(like if it was a treat to have him on the phone...I said you know what I really don't care and I hung up. I felt bad b/c he used to call me thru out the day, he used to even drive home for lunch to take me to eat,and call me on the way home from work at 5...and here it was 8 p.m and he had not even attempted a call...things change I know but I was hurt....sure I could have called him but I don't want to be the one chasing after his attention. I guess what I have been trying to do these last few months is give it one more chance...give him an opportunity to pursue me and show me that he wants it to work as well but that hasn't happened and that is more of the reason I feel bad more than anything....people always make time for what is important to them no matter how busy they are , how behind they are,how sick they matter what. I am not getting this from him.I feel the need to defend myself here ( I am not so needy that I have to have a call every 5 min. I am just trying to convey the fact that there was a time that he WANTED to be with me.Thats what matters if he couldnt call,couldnt spend time but wanted to that would be all the difference.I am just venting here. I am sure he will not call tonight..(he is very much into playing this game of who will call first)He will probly not call me until Friday...he gets off at 1:30 so my daughter is still in school and he will probly invite me to go eat or try to come over...if I am not busy. I think I will take this oppertunity to just let him know how I feel. Maybe I should write you think that would be better? I know I do not want to be emotional b/c that would just be stupid. I am soo going to look back at this and feel so discusted that I even hae to ask these questions. I am not trying to sound bad but I really must be beat down by this man b/c i am so to good for him.....i was actually looking at him the other day and trying to figure out what his attraction was to me and i couldn't put my finger on it. For one thing he is the same age as my mother (that should give you an idea of the age gap) he is not in shape and always sick...he is short...his face looks like a pufferfish.(he is asian and I am not being critical but it just seems when asians gain weight that thier faces get really round b/c all of his fatter family members complain about the same thing) He is a very heavy smoker and that totally grosses me out ...because he always stinks and his teeth are really gross and his breath stinks. He is really very smug(who wouldn't be he feels like the king of the world with an idiot like me chasing him all the time) I can literally hear the smugness in his voice when he talks to me. It is like he is daring me to say yes i want you to leave almost like a man that has an endless array of women waiting to take him. I don't know where this comes from... really I don't.
I am not a bad looking person (I have gained weight in the 8 years we have been together) that is mainly why I feel so bad I guess but I am working on that. Loosing weight,joined a gym and all. I still have guys hitting on me though even though I feel like i am huge. He is so jealous though he always thinks every man in the room is trying to pick me up.(I wish I was that great) lol anyway,he even says well you are just trying to diet and go to the gym so you can find another would think if he really cared he would be making a better effort.Maybe it is my pride thats hurt that such a crimmy little jerk is treating me like this and I have been tolerating it. Maybe I feel like I have lost a father figure. I don't know. I am mostly talking to myself here sorting thoughts it is just really nice to be letting other people have a chance to read my thoughts and pick thru them an actually be able to give feedback.It is so great b/c I really wouldn't walk up to one of my friends and start telling them all of this ...I really appriciate anyone who takes the time to read this and give me feed back....

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