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To all the guys out there (and girls, too)--

A little advice needed. I'm a 25-year-old guy, and have been dating a girl for a year now. To cut to the chase, I want to know how other guys out there would react to another guy trying blatanly to steal their girlfriends. My girlfriend works with a guy who has liked her for the last year (during this whole time she's been with me). Over the past few weeks or so, he's been making his move. He's extremely bold, and my girlfriend tells me everything that he says to her. These amount to things like "You are absolutely beautiful," and "I want you to be with me." He's done other things that seem unbelievable to me, knowing as he does that she has been with me for a year. He asks her out on dates, and, most ridiculously, has tried to hold her hand at work.

She thinks he's a nice enough guy, and admits that she is charmed a bit when someone is that passionate towards her. But she isn't attracted to him, and would never go for him--and it's true, he's not her type. Besides, she loves me.

Now, in my opinion, any guy who is trying to hold the hand of another guy's girlfriend at work, etc., is asking for trouble. He makes me extremely angry because his actions are pretty disrespectful toward me. I'm pretty sure most guys would not tolerate another guy acting like this. Does he actually expect that the boyfriend will stand for it? Nevertheless, I'm not about to do anything dramatic (fighting, etc.), considering he works in the same building as my girlfriend, and I am not a fighter anyway. But what planet is this guy living on?

Any advice from guys (or girls), on how to bring my anger level down? The attempts to hold her hand (he did this when a group of them were out at a movie, not to mention at their workplace) are what really get to me.

i totally agree that your girlfriend is the one that needs to take action here. im in a similar situation where i work. i work casually as im a university student and the guy that likes me works there full time. around october last year, a female work collegue comes up to me and says X likes you. for the last few weeks he has been saying how friendly you are and stuff like this. I just went on about my business, still spoke to the guy because he hasn't done anything wrong. I have been dating a guy for nearly a year but October last year we had an off period because we had some little dissagreements. this guy that likes me was a guy that i asked for advice so we used to speak all the time. he knew i still fancied my boyfriend. my boyfriend and i got back together in november. X from work invited me out to his birthday in which i went along. at this stage i didnt know he liked me heaps, just that he has said im a friendly person to others. i had to leave his party early because i had planned to go to the movies with my boyfriend. as i was going into the movie i get a message from his phone saying hey, this is X's friend. i hope u come back, ur really cute. i didnt reply to the message as there was no need to. when i was in work the following week he asked if i received a message and all i said was yes. he said i need to talk to u. he said that his friend reckons we should hook up. the next friday he messaged me asking how i was and what i was up to on the weekend. he said that he missed not seeing me at work because i didnt work that week. i didnt reply to that either. when i come into work to work, he always comes into the tea room and gets an ice pack out of the fridge making out he has a sore shoulder. a lot of other staff members have told me stuff that he has said. he was messaging another girl from work saying that i havent replied bla bla bla. this girl said, i think she just wants to be friends. he replied back saying "poor sexless me." i felt so upset. i no longer talk to him and he doesnt talk to me. he liked another girl at work too before me and she wasnt interested either and he bagged her so much that it's not funny all because she just wanted to be friends. now i feel the same thing is going to happen to me. last week he asked if i wanted a lift home. i said nah its ok i can walk. i dont live far. next minute he drove past and tooted the horn at me. this makes me so uncomfortable that if things esculate further im going to go and speak to my store manager because something needs to be done.unfortunately he is off to florida tomorrow with other store managers on a managers retreat.(our company is american) i wish he never had my number. the reason he has it was because last year i thurned 21 and invited people from work and on the invitation i wrote my phone number so people could rsvp. this was in july way before i knew anything about him liking me.
it's up to your girlfriend to say she is not interested and if he doesnt back off then she needs to speak to her boss. the place i work casually for is actually an american company. the place is called savers but i think in america they also call it value village, so some of you may of heard of the place. there is 5 of these stores in australia and im a cashier at savers and he's out the back pricing jewlery so i dont even need to talk to him at work. im working full time while im on holidays from uni at the moment and im pricing ladies clothing which is on the other side of the production room. i can avoid him really easily and thats what i plan on doing. if he causes me any touble then ill be talking to the manager, if that doesnt work, ill take it to head office. ill go as far as i have to if it gets out of control. i dont need to be made to feel uncomfortable at work at all. i go there to work to make money so i can save and have fun, not to pick up guys.
Yes, it's up to her to tell him where to go. I can relate to your situation, I had a similar one myself with my own partner months ago; the whole thing really pissed me off.

Some young woman who was walking through the shopping centre where my boyfriend works as a security guard put her eye on him and apparently decided she liked what she saw. She had been in the centre shopping or whatever, but she also happened to know one of the other security guards my boyfriend works with, so I guess she decided that's how she'd make her move. She got my boyfriends number from this man he works with and that's when the calls started..

Cutting a long story short, she started sending him messages introducing herself as a friend of ____ and wanting to go out for a few drinks with the work crew and all this, trying to get her foot in the door that way. The contact quickly morphed into all these sexualised calls and texts saying she wanted to meet up and do this that and the other and when he declined and told her he had a girlfriend her response was - "****** your girlfriend"!!! That was the bit that bothered me most. If she had been a bit mortified to hear he had a girlfriend and backed off I wouldnt have felt nearly so angry towards her, as, after all, he's a VERY sexy man and you cant blame a girl for trying! But her response when she heard of my existence made me want to tear her hair out BY – THE – ROOTS (and take the scalp with it too, lol) so I FULLY identify with your frustration.

At the point she made that comment he told her never to call again. I really think it's long past time your girlfriend told this man to backoff. It sounds to me like she may be flattered by all the attention, but more so, I'd say she's getting a buzz out of your jealousy. You should remind her that though she may be enjoying your jealousy, you certainly aren’t. She needs to tell him where to go and she needs to stop fanning the flames of your jealousy in order to make herself feel attractive, wanted and loved. It seems to me this is what she's doing here, based on what you've said, and if I'm right I have to say it's pretty selfish behaviour out of her, if you dont mind me saying. As a woman, I know you dont allow a situation like this to continue and keep on reporting back to your boyfriend every time the guy gives you the eyeball unless you're getting a buzz and some big-time validation out of your boyfriends jealous response. If I'm right, the game she's playing here is cruel and unfair. Our two situations are similar, like I said; this mans actions are the physical equivalent of the women who was chasing my mans comment; "****** your girlfriend". He is saying, with his actions - "****** your boyfriend". I know what I'd have done if my man hadnt gotten rid of her pronto. Maybe that girl would even be with him today - because I know I wouldnt.
Thanks for all the responses. Yes, I can relate to everyone that responded. My girlfriend has indeed told him that they are just friends. He said he understood that, but it would be hard. Then he texts her this morning telling her that he's hurting so bad over this that he's crying.

The problem is that he's making my girlfriend feel really bad for hurting him, that she somehow did something wrong. And my girlfriend is naturally a people person, and told me she can't help wanting to comfort people that are hurting.

Laylah and shorti, thanks for sharing your stories. Laylah, I can relate to your anger specifically. My girlfriend and I had a few disagreements over the past month or so, and I think this guy knew about them, so he was essentially saying to her behind my back that he could be a much better boyfriend. I literally flipped out for a few seconds. I had to punch a pillow a few times and wanted to punch this guy in the face. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what we've been through together or how much we care about each other, and he's putting on this "sweet" act at work and telling her how good they would be together. As I said before, I was pretty pissed off.

And he's still saying that he'll wait for her until she's no longer "really" available (which I guess means engaged), which isn't exactly an aggressive threat, but it makes me think that he's going to be ready to pounce at the slightest opening, offering himself as a personal confidant to her and trying to work his way back in. Still makes me shake my head...

We'll see what happens.

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