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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=marshmallow;2755321]what are your concerns. You never mentioned what he does to make you wonder if you can make it or not. If he is abusive in anyway and you have a child I would leave. It is never right to put a child in an abusive relationship. If he is not abusive that is another story.[/QUOTE]

The abuse isnt really abuse, at least to me...But he is constantly stating concerns about the fact he is "splitting" me into two things...The good things that I am, and what he remembers of his ex-wife. I've reassured him that if anything were to happen and he ended up going to the hospital again, that I would be in the waiting room begging and demanding to see him, even though he dosnt want to see me...And he also has concerns about his displays of affection, (or slight lack thereof)...Again, the main concern in this relationship is my ability to help him be healthy.
I just want to know how to show him his affections, but in his own time.

He is so afraid of not being able to perform in emotional aspects of a relationship that he would rather push me away than to try to learn them. The only thing Ive been able to do to reasure him is to be there when he needs me. The fact that I seem to always know when something is bothering him kinda scares him, because I have been able to make that link, but he does not know the begining on how...

We did talk for about 9 hrs last night about our relationship, and he addressed questions on how I was able to tell when something is wrong...He even thanked me for having this ability and that it stopped him from hurting himself on more than one occasion.

The question on wether we can make it or not comes down to how am I going to be able to constantly reasure him without scaring him away, or without making him feel guilty about not knowing how to share the same feelings the same way.

I know that he cares very much about myself and my son, and that he wants to make a relationship with me work, (or we wouldnt be trying for the 3rd time)...But at the same time I know he is terrified of what COULD happen.

He is afraid of us getting married and repeating the events that happened in his previous marrage. How do you reasure someone that you are not the person he was married to before, (she was highly critical, and was not kind to him because he did not give her things she wanted the way she wanted them)

I really just want to know the way to show him and tell him I love him without him "splitting" or without him "running", and to show him I wouldnt run when he needs someone the most. If anyone is in a relationship with someone that is BPD, and it has been tough but sucsessful, please, by all means give me some advise as to what you have done to make the relationship work...





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