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I’m not sure what is going on.
I met a guy, he came up to me in a café and intro’d himself. I don’t usually keep talking to people I meet randomly like that for very long, but we have been very good friends for three years. I think around 2 yrs ago, he told me he loved me and I didn’t say anything back ( I think it was drunk talk, and we weren’t together). At some point after, he had a gf for a year and they broke up a year ago.
Throughout the years, he has been VERY sweet to me. He lives about an hour away but will drop what he’s doing to come over if I need him. He helped me move all day last year and then took me to a concert and paid for everything, etc. My best friend thinks when I am ready for a bf I should go out with him b/c he has treats me well.
However, I am extremely commitment-phobic and he knows this. I was almost hyperventilating when I moved into my new place b/c I had to sign a lease, even though logically I know I will be at my place for probably 3+ years; and I am almost 24 and have never had a serious bf (but I am not the type to come home and feel lonely w/o a guy, I love being this free).
We have had a purely platonic relationship over the three years until this past wknd. He cam out to celebrate his bday and while we were talking before we went to the bar, we had a discussion about dating. He sees dating as a conduit to get to know someone, and you are exclusive and stop when you don’t like them anymore; and he won‘t even make out with a girl unless he’s serious about her, he feels it morally wrong. Me, I don’t understand why you would date anyone unless you already have strong feelings for them already; what is the point of getting your feelings involved and missing opportunities by being exclusive unless you really like them. Throughout our conversation, I was speaking of guys in general, not of him…I have never looked at him in a romantic way before (believe me I tried but I couldn’t like him), and was speaking of guys I meet at the bar or wherever.
Well….we got drunk and then we fooled around all night (it was GREAT) and the next morning as well (sober). I didn’t sleep with him, told him it would give him too much power (I haven’t slept with a guy in a LONG time and the next time I do, I want some assurance that its not just a booty call or something….but that’s y I even went as far as I did with him, b/c I know he will be here for me still). He said it was a long time coming and that was his bday wish (when he blew out candles on a cupcake I got him).

Anyway, our night was awesome, and I started looking at him differently afterwards. Its like he became a different person, in a good way. I txtd , asking him how he felt about the night before, and he said mixed. So I am thinking there are 2 possibilities: a) he either really likes me but is aware of my commitment issues and is worried or b) he does not like me. Since then we haven’t talked. I think I have a fear of getting hurt and the fact that he didn’t call me THAT day is not giving him brownie points. I don’t sleep with random people b/c I will not risk being “****ed & chucked”, and now its coming from a guy I’ve known for three years. If he wanted me to consider dating him and being comfortable with him he should have called. Although don’t get me wrong, do not feel so rejected or hurt, I know we’ll talk soon.

I don’t know what I feel for him; on the one hand I am way more interested in him now than before, but there are some cons: 1. He lives in the suburbs; I am used to a more city-style guy; suburbian mentality and ways of interacting are distressing to me. 2. His social skills are not as suave as I like, that, I believe has to do with his age. 3. He is two years younger than me, which bugs the hell out of me. I 99% of the time go out with guys in their late 20’s early 30’s I have never gone out with anyone under 1 year older than me, my first date was when I was 15 with a 23 years old; and this guy is 22.…my little brother’s age…. I probably look older than him.

But on the other hand,
The night/morning we had was AMAZING, he is so sweet to me, I know he’d be there for me. But is that enough? And maybe I have the above worries only b/c I’m scared to get in a relationship.

Are my “cons” valid? How should I react when he calls? I will not call him, I refuse to chase. The fact that he didn’t call, shows his social immaturity. I will definitely let him know I am pissed but I don’t know if I can admit I am interested now….
Thoughts? Thnx so much for replies…





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