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Relationship Health Message Board


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replies to steno lady:
[B]You're only a year or two older than him -- and you're young, too! [/B]

i do know I am young, but I have a career going, my good friends are 30-40 yr old, and i do 'older' things than people my age. so it is very hard to turn from that to someone who is 22. i supose i could get over it with HIM, but he has friends who are all his age...i would almost feel like their mother if we hung out....and like i said before, i do believe i project an older age than he does...

[B]All I'm saying is if you've got an incredible guy right in front of you, I wouldn't scratch him off the list because he lives an hour away in the 'burbs and you like city life.[/B]

This i recognize, and is a big reason why i came to the board for advice.

[B]Independence: Since when does dating = losing independence?

[/B]

Thats true, it doesn't have to be that way; however most of the people i know i LT relationships have lost themselves...i don't want the scenario to come up that i'll be invited to something and i have to check with him first, and especially since he lives so far and works a lot, i would almost feel obliged to check with him b/c if we miss one or two weekends, it could quickly turn into longer, and how is a relationship really a relationship if you ever see one another?

[B]What's he thinking? Why did he say "mixed"? Honestly, I think both of you guys are playing a game. You don't want to chase, but yet you kind of expect him to.[/B]

I don't agree that i am playing a game, and i don't think he is either....he's not that type of person, he is generally very straight up and honest. that is why i am confused. and 'mixed'...i hated that term. yes, i was hurt, that after someone tells you they love you (and i checked the date, that actually happened in april 2006, a couple of months after him and his LT gf broke up), and that it was their birthday wish to be with you, and they knew how you don't fool round with everyone, and then get 'mixed' with no further explanation (oh hang on, he did add he drank too much wine which to me showed some awkwardness on his end)...sure didn't make me feel like he wants anything more.


[B]I'm willing to bet he's got a million emotions running through him, probably thoughts of his dream (you) coming true mixed with fear of getting hurt at the top. And you're "definitely" going to let him know you're pissed? Do you really think that's mature? I mean, he's not psychic, is he? Have you looked him square in the eye and told him what an amazing time you had, how you see him differently now, how your feelings are now changing for him?
[/B]

Yes I told him I saw him differently, in a good way. and no, he is not psychic, but in the past, he has been able to recognize when i get anxious and he is able to calm me down, so this reaction from him is very confusing. yes, i will let him know i am pissed b/c i will not allow after what happened to think it is okay that he cannot call me for however long (1 week now). i actually think it is very mature to let someone else in your life know how you are really feeling even though it might be uncomfortable or hard to do so.

To: Larrylou's mom:

[B]Hmmmm...this could be why his feelings were mixed. Right away you're thinking about expecting him to compromise his morals and values for you.He's already made it pretty clear that he simply doesn't date non-exclusively.[/B]

I'm sorry if it came across this way, i wouldn't actually expect him to do that if he wasn't comfortable, i meant to say i would broach the subject and see if its ok with him.

[B]You guys have known each other for years, I would think that if the chance for a real love to grow were really there, you would have known it by now, and you say you're not in love with him.[/B]

I don't agree with this, i have known plenty of people who are in loving romantic relationships that were platonic in the beginning. isn't that the theme for many films? you fall in love with the person next door that you grew up with? I don't think i would have known it by now, b/c i never looked at him in that way before.

[B]It's possible you could fall in love with him if you dated for a while, but it sounds like you're just not ready for that possibility.
[/B]

This may be true, i'm not sure. i think if i had a more clear, positive, response from him, i would be more inclined to date him.

[B] what other reasons do you have for wanting to date him either than he's loyal and making out with him was fun?[/B]

he makes me feel special (haha, minus the last week i guess:) )


UPDATE:
so its sunday, he still hasn't called..i went out with a girlfriend last night and we spoke about this. i was asked out on dates twice this week but haven't gone b/c things are still not clear with this guy and i don't think its fair to him. my girlfriend thinks that was good but she said once he hasn't contacted me for about 2 weeks, i shouldn't 'stop' my personal life for him anymore. he is sending (whether it s his intention or not) a message to me that he doesn't want anything further to go on between us.

i did receive and email from him yesterdy...it said nothing but had an attachment labelled "details_txt". this was very out of the ordinary for me, we never email each other, i had his add only b/c i had msn when we first met, but i got rid of that almost 3 yrs ago. maybe details text meant he ws going to elaborate on his txt msg; however, my computer blocked the attachment, it said there was a virus. so i replied telling him what the msg was and thats it.


Anyway, thnx again ladies





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