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My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, and we're in love. I can tell him anything, I've never felt more comfortable around anyone in my life, not my parents, sister, ex-boyfriends, or even my friends I've had since I was 5 years old. Early on in our relationship we had some problems, there was no cheating involved but I was still hurt. What happened was that when we were together for about three or four months things started to get quite serious, but then it took a turn for the worst. I found out that he was calling and staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning to chat online with this girl from our area. I know her, but we're not exactly best friends. So when I asked him about it and he realized that I was hurt he stopped contacting her so that I wouldn’t be hurt anymore. I was fine for a while but then I started to think about it a lot, probably overanalyzing it. So I asked him to be honest with me and to tell me if at any point he had feelings for her. He said at one point he thought he did, but then when he thought about it, he knew that she wasn't worth ruining our relationship over. I thought that this would make me feel better, but it didn't. I was hurt and I felt betrayed and simply not good enough. He did his best to convince me that things were okay now and that he was deeply sorry. He even went as far as not going to parties and drinking just so I would feel more comfortable. He hasn't done this for almost a year now. Things are good between us now and we now tell each other if we ever feel scared or doubt our relationship, it feels wonderful to be so open with each other, but I'm still having a problem...

Since the incident almost a year ago I feel extremely jealous of almost any girl he talks to who aren’t one of my friends. I think this could have something to do with the fact that a past boyfriend I had cheated on me 5 times and I went back with him each time. After the fifth time I promised myself that I would NEVER let someone use me like this ever again. So when that problem occurred with my current boyfriend I became very scared and uneasy. But I understood where he was coming from, he was scared of commitment, but now we understand each others wants and needs perfectly. Anyway, I am still having a hard time with the jealousy factor, it's gotten to the point where when he goes out with his friends and they're usually just hanging out playing XBOX I’ll feel scared that he's going to hurt me. Does anyone know what I could do?

P.S: I've talked to him about this, he knows I'm writing this thread and he is willing to do anything he can to help me. He told me any problem we have should be dealt with by the two of us, so any suggestions or help you have will be heard by the two of us.

Thank you everyone so much.
Megan
Thanks so much everyone for the replies. I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like this, I thought I was crazy for having a hard time forgiving and forgetting.

Minnesotagirl, when you said that you think it could be a self-esteem issue it made a lot of sence to me. I know that I have a low self-esteem.. It's mainly because when I was young during my years from 12 through 14 or 15 I had a really hard time. These are the years that you're hitting puberty and a lot of changes happened to me that I had a hard time dealing with. Let's just say I wasn't too attractive during these years. I had a lot of problems being made fun of, even by "close" friends, and I started to develop an eating disorder. By the time I was about 15 or 16 I grew out of it, I got contacts, makeup, and basically started to care about my appearence. Plus with that ex-boyfriend of mine who cheated so many times, I'm not all that confident in myself. As you can see confidence and self-esteem have always been problems for me, and I don't quite know how to change it. This might sound crazy, but one of my fears are that I'm going to get too confident and think too much of myself.. But anyway.. I guess I have to find a middle ground.. But how? My boyfriend knows about my self-esteem issues and he does his best to make me feel good, telling me i'm beautiful, i'm the only one for him, etc.. But I always have this doubt in the back of my mind. I think that if I could improve on this, and become a more positive person at the same time, a lot of my problems and insecuties would dissapear.. Any ideas?
[QUOTE=Megan_xox;2771520]Thanks so much everyone for the replies. I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like this, I thought I was crazy for having a hard time forgiving and forgetting.

Minnesotagirl, when you said that you think it could be a self-esteem issue it made a lot of sence to me. I know that I have a low self-esteem.. It's mainly because when I was young during my years from 12 through 14 or 15 I had a really hard time. These are the years that you're hitting puberty and a lot of changes happened to me that I had a hard time dealing with. Let's just say I wasn't too attractive during these years. I had a lot of problems being made fun of, even by "close" friends, and I started to develop an eating disorder. By the time I was about 15 or 16 I grew out of it, I got contacts, makeup, and basically started to care about my appearence. Plus with that ex-boyfriend of mine who cheated so many times, I'm not all that confident in myself. As you can see confidence and self-esteem have always been problems for me, and I don't quite know how to change it. This might sound crazy, but one of my fears are that I'm going to get too confident and think too much of myself.. But anyway.. I guess I have to find a middle ground.. But how? My boyfriend knows about my self-esteem issues and he does his best to make me feel good, telling me i'm beautiful, i'm the only one for him, etc.. But I always have this doubt in the back of my mind. I think that if I could improve on this, and become a more positive person at the same time, a lot of my problems and insecuties would dissapear.. Any ideas?[/QUOTE]

You've taken steps to become beautiful on the outside -- and your boyfriend reinforces this by telling you you're beautiful -- but now it's time to work on the inside to boost that confidence up.

You need to tackle a few things, set some goals for yourself, work towards them and accomplish them. You need to look at something and say, "Wow. I did that, all by myself. Whodathunk I could ever do that?"

You did it with your weight and beautifying yourself. You can do it on the inside, too. This can be done with small things, as well as large things. Two years ago, I couldn't cook. Well, I got tired of my nasty meals. I taught myself how to cook -- damn good, too, I might add. A Tuesday night gourmet five-course meal with pairings is common now at my house. Whodathunk it?

You need to find something that you want to improve upon and learn about, tackle it and master it. Then do it again with something else. Then another thing. Self-confidence will naturally come with personal accomplishments.





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