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Hi people, I havent posted in a while with a personal issue of my own as things have all been calm and well and then [B]BAAAAM[/B] - I get hit with the mother of them all! It is sooooooo irritating!

My man works in security in a large shopping centre and a sixteen year old girl has taken a shine to him. This is a long story and I'm pissed off with it totally. Here it is in breif:

About six months ago a nineteen year old girl (this sixteen year olds older sister) started sending my bf sexualised text messages detailing all she'd like to do to him; he told her he had a girlfriend, she responded "**** your girlfriend". At that point he told her not to contact him again, and she stopped.

His phone number was first aquired by the sixteen year old, she was given it by one of his co-workers (who, incidentally, I only found out from someone else the other night that guy is known for that stupid carry on - giving out the security guards phone numbers, he'd done it before on at least one other security guard)

Anyway, my bf and I were driving home about two weeks ago and his phone rings. I know this man inside and out, we've been together every day for over four years and I know him well enough that I could tell from the tone of his voice when he answered the phone two very distinct things:

1 - He wasnt talking to someone he felt obliged to speak to with any proper level of respect, and

2 - He wasnt talking to someone I would want him talking to at all

Of course I asked him who it was and of course he told me. Now here's the thing: Months ago, when these calls first started he also told her (the 16 year old) not to call him again. She didnt call for a while, then started calling again ocassionally, then sped things up till they recently got to, according to him "a few times a week". He makes the conversations as breif as he can and gets off the phone asap but, according to him, he hasnt told her not to call again because he "didnt want to be rude". She also approaches him in the Shopping centre and speaks to him regularly. Of course I wanted to know what she'd been saying all this time and he reckons it is just stupid random talk like, "did you see what happened today in the centre, blah blah" discussing things she'd seen while hanging around there (which obviously seems to be all she has going on in her life)

Today was the last straw; I'm a journalist and I'd just conducted a very stressful interview. I was in town near the shopping mall so I decided to take a walk through the centre and off-load on him what a nightmare the interview had been. I'm walking through the shopping mall and what do I see? Yeah, you've guessed it. :dizzy: I just got my first look at the stupid little cow - there she is chatting and laughing away up in my bf's face.

My bf has already agreed to change his phone number so she CANT call anymore, but I just dont feel like that's enough. I feel he has let me down in not setting clear boundaries with her behaviour from the start. I feel, and have told him, that he encouraged her every single time he accepted a call, and I stand over that, I really feel he has. I know my mans no perv and wouldnt dream of putting his hands on a child, which is what she clearly is. But no matter how he and I view her as a child [I]I know she dosent view herself that way[/I] and it would take a blind deaf mute not to see what she's after here. I mean, come on people - he says there's never been any sexual talk from her, but no female spends months consistantly calling a man and trying to get a his attention unless she is trying to form some sort of bond or relationship.

Anyway, I walked over to the two of them and engaged him in conversation and just acted like she wasnt even there. She walked off after a few seconds and called back over her shoulder "I'll just go and get that from the shop for you". Apparantly that was a joke. He'd mentioned to her that he wanted to buy a new car and she decided it'd be funny to suggest she was off to sort it out for him. Dont get paranoid for my sake people, I know my bf and I know when I'm being fed a line of BS; it was her idea of a joke and she wasnt actually headed to the shop for him for any reason. But - did she intend to leave me with the impression that she was???

What REALLY freaks me out about the whole thing was the way the moment I arrived she knew it was time to make herself scarce. That says a lot as far as I'm concerned. If there was anything innocent about her intentions she'd hardly have felt it was time to dissapear the moment I showed up. We'd never come face to face before, but I'd spoken to him in a casual personal tone that would have made her realise immediately who I was.

I said I'd give the story in breif but instead it's turned into an encyclopedia - apologies for that. Please tell me people, how would you hande this? He has already, as I said, promised to change his number pronto, but I know that as soon as she wont be able to get him on the phone she'll just be showing up in the centre every day instead of every other day. I'm [I]so[/I] pissed off, irritated and annoyed and this is damaging my relationship.

What's getting to me most is that she KNOWS he has a girlfriend as her sister was told that months ago, but still she's keeping up her stupid games. I feel my boyfriend has allowed me to be insulted by a sixteen year old girl. I feel that "not wanting to be rude" to her was more important than being honest with me. He'd never have told me about her calls if I hadnt been in the car that day, simply because he knows I'd have been big-time pissed off and it'd have lead to an argument. In fact, I asked him about two months ago if he'd ever heard form her or her sister since those first texts and calls (about six months ago) and he flat out LIED to me, for the same reason - he knew I'd go mad.

It'd be easier if she was 26 - then I'd just slap the head off her, but I couldnt in all consience put my hands on an infatuated 16 year old girl. I'm nearly 31 by the way, and my man is nearly 39.

So, what I'm asking is:

Am I right in feeling that he's let me down?

How do I deal with this silly little cow?

And would you all agree that I'm right in thinking her walking away the moment I showed up clearly spells out her sinister intentions???

Apologies again for the legnth of the post, thanks to everyone who got to the end of it. If you've come this far please take a few more moments to help me out with the three questions above; as I said, this is doing my head in and damaging my relationship. Thank you all.
Okay, I'm paranoid for you... but to answer your questions...

1) Yes I'd feel let down. He lied about it and doesn't seem in a big rush to end this 'infatuation'. Maybe he likes the attention? Why does he care if he sounds rude? Out of respect for you, I don't see why he can't firmly put her in her place.

2) You shouldn't have to deal with her. It's up to your boyfriend to do that. Clearly he isn't. What does a 39yo have in common with a 16yo that he would bother to talk to her on a regular basis when surely he must know she may have other motives?

3) I'm not sure about her intentions, but I would think that if she knows he has a girlfriend etc, and she is still hanging around, then something must be leading her on. Not implying whatsoever that there is anything physical going on, but maybe he likes the attention or flirting nature of their friendship?

Sorry, but something just doesn't add up here. Although it could just be cause i've been in similar situations before and heard similar lines/stories.

Just my opinion...

Good luck sorting it out!!!

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