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I've been dating this guy for a month. Hes unlike anyone Ive ever dated, and I think the main problem that Id like to write about is just my confusion.

To summarize the background info- I met this guy through work, actually I had recognized him from the subway when we were at work, and we rode the subway together a lot and chatted. In the end, I suggested we hang out sometime and when we got back after the holidays, he asked me out.

Now Im a liberal, American girl, but for some reasons I go for guys that are much more conservative than myself. Sometimes I dont even plan to, it just happens...I am just attracted to the more quiet, respectful type. These guys typically end up religious (I am spiritual but not practicing). I tend to find guys like this more trustworthy and I respect their values. I am also attracted to foreign guys, mainly b/c I just dont necessarily like my own culture and see myself living out of the country sometime soon...maybe forever. Who knows. Anyway, that is what I seem to subconsciously go for, and this guy turned out to be just that.

Ok. So this past month, we've hung out at LEAST 4 times a week. Its just convenient- we come home from work together, watch movies, lie around, talk, etc. We've spent the night together maybe 5 or 6 times...but everything physical between us has been pretty PG/PG 13...another thing I like, because I feel like guys that takes things slow are into me for more than just that aspect.

Anyway. Heres the thing- I constantly feel unsure about our state when I am with him. I realize its only been a month. But, at first, I couldn't figure him out because he was always confusing me. Its a little hard to explain, but basically, one moment he seemed like he was madly in love with me, and then the next minute it seemed he was totally freaked out/unsure of the whole thing. He would say things like 'I just feel this is going to work out', and then the next minute say things like 'this isn't working out'. Hes also 32, and Im 24, so we are different points in our life- he wants to get married and doesn't want to just date for kicks, which I understand. For me, if I fall in love and feel the person is right, I could get married I suppose-- but its not my ultimate goal in dating right now. So I felt sometimes, in the beginning, I was just always under some sort of 'test' and/or constantly being evaluated as to whether I could be a perfect match for him...something I'm not used to. I still feel that way every now and then..like it could end at any point in time.

Turns out, he has a very strange sense of humor, and a lot of his 'contradictions' so to speak is him trying to jokingly piss me off for fun. He'll say things like 'oh...we're not getting along', and then smile. I get it now and give it right back to him, and somtimes we bust out laughing. But at first, I took him very literally and I was very confused all the time.

So, just to explain how he is, over the course of this past month, he has sent me text messages saying "I will do anything for you..I am dying to be with you all the time". He showed up at my door and surprised me with a dozen red roses. At one point I was sick and I asked him to bring me medicine and he traveled 45 min. to bring me some and be with me. He always calls me back, and at work he often asks me if I want lunch and then brings it to my office, and every time I ask him or if there is an opportunty to be with me, he comes with me. On Thursday, he even forgot his cell phone at work, and tracked down my extension and called me.

However. On the other hand. He tends to nit-pick on things about me and points them out. I have a pretty high self-confidence and I love the way I look, the clothes I wear, etc. He points out when he doesn't like my shoes, and hates this toe ring that I wear and constantly tells me so. I dont like things about him (for one, I dont find him to be a very good-looking guy, but I am attracted to him), but I dont feel the need to point it out to him all the time. Hes never told me Im beautiful or even pretty, which is fine, I dont need to be showered with compliments...but I wonder if hes even attracted to me at all sometimes...he doesnt seem to think Im very special, appearance-wise (something I'm not used to- most guys seem to go for my looks 1st). Every now and then he'll tell me how cute i look and that I'm 'provoking him' (i.e., turning him on). I asked him point blank once if he thought I was pretty, and he said that he thought I was cute before he even met me. I dont complain or act like it bothers me when he nitpicks , but sometimes I tell him to knock it off and that hes joking a little TOO much. He says Im right. Last night for instance, I was laying entangled in him, and he was massaging my thigh and he goes 'hmm you should start working out' (Im a thin person) and I started laughing b/c its so ridiculous that he would say that since Im one of the thinnest of my friends (I love my body) and he laughed too...its like hes joking, but that is kind of inappropriate right?

So then last night, I mentioned his jokes again and how it hurts me someimes, and he said "maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore, Im afraid you're never going to be able to handle my jokes and its just going to hurt you". This was right after I had asked him what he thought about me, and he told me that he wants to be with me, could see himself with me and even fantasizes about marrying me sometime. ???

He also says that there is a language barrier between us, to which I scoff at playfully, bc his 1st language is Spanish and mine is English, but we both speak both languages. We just talk in English mainly b/c Im not totally fluent in Spanish and can express myself better in Eng. But sometimes I think maybe he's right...he takes me too literally sometimes (I'll say I'm irritated, when I really mean Im ticked off for 2 seconds, but then he'll lay low for an hour thinking Im really mad), and sometimes I think he has trouble saying exactly what he means in English. He also speaks about his ex-gf all the time...Im not jealous, b/c hes here with me, but they had a very deep relationship, and it never ended badly, they just kind of went their seperate ways. But when I ask him if he'd rather be with her, he mentions that things with them are over, he sees himself with me, etc. He just always seems to speak of her in an almost glorifying way.

But for some reason, I want to be with him. THe thing is, when I envision bringing him around my friends, or being with him long-term, I dont think its right...but for right now, I want to be with him. He tells me he thinks about me all the time, wants to be with me, etc. The truth is, I DONT think about him all the time...but when I envision what I want a husband to be like, I think he has the qualities I value. He seems trustworthy (something u dont find often) and has major family values, and he wants to travel, is religious, is trilingual and has a lot of characteristics that I really want to instill on my future family.

So, part of me wonders if its really just the companionship that I enjoy in him for the time being. I cant imagine being at work without still dating him...that would just be depressing, b/c he gives me butterflies when I see him and its enjoyable to have a little crush-thing at work. I also want to be with him all the time and enjoy his company. However, I notice that when he leaves I am just always confused. I think about things he said, wonder how he feels, and never quite feel secure with our situation. Again, its early, only a month in. I went through a very bad breakup over a year ago, and so I wonder if Im just fearful of rejection (actually, I know I am). I dont know if I am reading too much into things (I tend to do that), but some days he makes me glow inside, and others I just feel confused. I just consider this to be one of the wierdest dating situations I've been in, and my reaction to it is also strange- with guys, I either know its a good thing or I know its not. But with this one in particular, I really cant figure out how I feel, and thats unlike me. Ive just been going with it, assuming he is companionship for now, and if it develops into something than great, but I just wonder.
:confused:





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