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Re: Brief update
Feb 6, 2007
AJ be strong - you will be ok. Right now I am happily single. I was married for 10 years, and have been divorced for 10 years. My last boyfriend lasted about a year....from 12/04 to 12/05. I was alone the whole last year of 06 and wasn't even interested in trying to get into a relationship. The last one took a lot out of me....and he still calls or send's e-mail occasionally, although I don't respond. He almost crossed the line to stalking a while back, but I think he's eased up. He hasn't bothered me in a couple months. He has borderline personality disorder and was emotionally and verbally abusive, and manipulative, although I didn't let him beat down my self-esteem because I recognized signs in him that I had seen before in others including my ex-husband. He tried to manipulate, turn things around and lay guilt, but because I had seen behavior like that before, I wasn't so readily willing to accept some blame, like I may have when I was younger and naive. My ex-husband is bi-polar, unmedicated, and was verbally, and emotionally abusive, and on one or 2 occassions physically abusive. All my life I always had a man....if I didn't have one, I was in between relationships, looking for one. This last year was the first time in my life where I just didn't care. I just got tired of trying to find someone and decided to just be by myself. I took a hard look at my last few relationships and I realize that I'm attracting the wrong types.....the types that can do my absolutely no good. For example, my last BF had BPD, borderline personality disorder. A guy who I really liked and saw for about a month had PTSD from childhood abuse and attempted suicide within the first couple weeks of meeting (not related to me), the BF before that that I lived with for 2.5 years was a naarrcisssist, who wasn't capable of love. That's the one I told you about that I demanded that he tell me he love me, if he was going to move in with me.....yeah he said it, but it was unfulfilling to me because it was just words, he didn't feel it...... Honestely I don't think I have the time or the patience for a relationship right now and I don't know if I ever will again, but that's ok. I'd rather be alone than be unhappily tied to someone.....been there, done that. I spent a lot of my younger days worrying about other people, wanting to make them happy, when I should have been worrying about myself. That's what I try to do different now. Good luck AJ.....you're strong, you will be ok.
:angel:





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