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Hi all-- (kinda long)

I am now on a "break" with my girlfriend. We had been having a tough go of it here and there, but the good times had still been frequent and really great. I think I've always had an underlying anxiety problem (and perhaps have been a little depressed), and so have always been sort-of-closed off/afraid to show how I truly feel. Well, we had had some arguments over this, with her pointing out that she needed me to be more affectionate because I wasn't making her feel very loved/beautiful. And she had a perfectly valid point. I've always had a lot of emotions inside, but have remained much the stoic on the outside, and I can see how this would make her feel that I didn't love her as much as she loved me.

Well, she became increasingly frustrated with me, we would have arguments, and I would get a bit defensive, trying to explain to her that I have trouble with my emotions sometimes. These arguments became more frequent in October and November (we'd been dating since January 2006).

Now in January of 2007 (last month), she cheated on me with one of her friends from work. They went to a movie, to dinner, and then he came back to her place and they watched a move together in bed; nothing extremely intimate--but they did hold hands and kiss a few times. Following this incident, and after a little prodding, she came to me and told me the whole story--everything that had happened--and promised me it wouldn't happen again. We also had a long discussion about how my not showing her enough affection drove her to do this.

I wasn't happy about it, my skin was crawling, etc., but I could see her side of it. And so we agreed to try to make it work. We've had a few other arguments since then (mostly over this "guy" still texting her and calling her)with me agreeing to go talk to a therapist about my anxiety and my feelings--which I am going to do on Monday. We are on a break until she sees how serious I am about following through with talking out my feelings and anxiety, which I AM serious about, and am going to put my whole heart into this. Meanwhile, we are still going to talk to each other and do friend-stuff together in the meantime. We do share a lot of love, and we do love each other, this I know for sure.

Well, who knows if this therapy is going to truly help me become a better person and learn to mellow out a bit. I hope it does. And I'm willing to try.

Now, at last, to the final hold-up. She wants to draw on this guy she cheated on me with for support while we are feeling this out. Just talking on the phone, she says. She says that he has been one of her good friends for a long time, and despite the cheating, he is one of her support pillars. I say that she should have nothing to do with the guy. I think that her cheating on me with him trumps her long friendship with him, and is a complete show of disrespect to me while we go through the next few weeks. I certainly don't want her chatting with him--crying to him--confiding in him--about our relationship (he's apparently in love her and has asked her out three times in the 2 days since we started our "break").

Given that I did have a part in her cheating on me, it still bothers me, and I still see it as a major thing. Is it too much to ask her during the next bit of time for her not to speak to him while we try to make our comeback? It's very frustrating that he was the immediate cause of our going on a "break," and now he'll be the one comforting her. This pisses me off.

Thanks to those of you guys who have read this. I would love some advice.
I too have anxiety problems, and anxiety causes problems in relationships. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over three years now. She cheated on me about a year and a half ago, and we have take two breaks in our relationship. I didn't really understand what you were asking. It is best to get your anxiety figured out before you get back together with her. I know thats a lot easier said than done seeing how that guy she cheated with seems to be very interested in her. My advice to you is don't call her, don't text her, email her or anything. YOU CAN DO IT. The less you talk to her the more she will miss you. You have to give her her space. Many time people don't realize what a good thing they have until its gone. They always seem to think the grass is always greener. It is a really hard thing to be going through and i wish you the best. I know it sucks. Good luck, and if you need anything else let me know.

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