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hey i kinda had a similair situation.

you can skip to the bottom if u want to just get straight to my advice, but i included some of my backround in my ended relationship.

i started dating this girl after we started hanging out alot one on one...got closer and kinda fell into a relationship.

she has ALOT of problems, and a kid. I wasn't prepared for either of these, but i remained by her side and there for her anytime she needed me for any reason. and after a while i even got attached to her lovely son (about a year old). As time went by it became how apparently impulsive and buisy she always is.

as time went by and we got closer we also started having the fights. she is always doing something and has ALOT of friends. i on the otherhand have no friends and spend most of my time alone, becuase of difficulty socialy interacting with other people...plus i've always been a loner...i've always had no more than 1 or 2 close friends and i only hang out with them. So after time this became hard to deal with...i felt used, ditched, and i just felt like a side dish in her life. someone she knew wuld always be there for her...so she can just get in touch with me whenever she isn't buisy doing something more important.

i tried very hard to get over and fight jelousies (she's a bit of a man magnet). I also tried to learn how to enjoy myself when she's not arround so i'm not so clingy and needy or possesive. these problems i know I have, but i've learned to accept them as a part of rather my darkside (everyone has a darkside and the only way to beat it is to make it your friend IMO) then hate myself for being that way and not giving myself a chance to forgive myself so i can move on and progress.

anyway less about me more about you so...

she finnaly broke up with me...i'm still not completely sure why, but she has a fear of commitment and told me if she didn't break it off now and we got to close she wuldn't be able to be my friend after the break up. so my best guess is she realized it wuldn't work and broke it off before thigns got heavier. however she did not realize that maybe i was already past that point of not being able to be friends after word

i thought about her everyday, everytime the phone rang i'd jump up. she started working a new job and worked many hours so about a month and a half after we broke up i only saw her once and talked twice.

at this point i was beggening to hate her. i hated her for not being able to make more time for me...always being buisy and not taking care of herself and a whole list of things.

one day she finnaly called me and sensed something was wrong, i told her how i felt and she became defensive at which point i said, i never want to see you again.

it might have been harsh, but i've learned from alot of expierence in the past is that...

hoping something is still there...is a bad idea. She said, she culdn't be for me what she needs to be and had to "work on that". i kept thinking things will change...she will shape up get her life in order and be able to handle me alongside with her responsibilities in life, but i found out people don't change.

yes we can change somewhat, but we will always be who we are our habbits lifestyles and such, unless we go through a period of enlightenemnt which only happens for a few select lucky people...or usualy when people hit middle age and find out they don't have alot of time left and NEED to change

so anyway. don't wait for her. don't get your hopes up. and if you find yourself only having questions and confusions after talking to her thats not healthy. you don't have to be like me and say "i never want to see you again", becuase at that point i hated her so much for everything, but it is ok to ask her to not talk to you anymore.

just say i still have so many lingering feelings and i need to stop having contact with you. then you can say things to her the way she said them to you. you can say, maybe someday when i get over u we can talk again, but i don't know when that is.

that way you've been polite, you've left HER with that "hope" (hehe). and then when your comfortable that your over her u can then decide if u want to open up that can of worms again or just move on in your life and learn from her as to what you will want in your next partner.

for me i've learned i need someone who has a more laid back easy life...that we can both make time for eachother alot and always be there for eachother. just kinda be mellow people that don't need to constantly be buisy all the time and have a very rushed buisy buisy lifestyle that i just can't put up with for very long.

so if "being her friend" leaves u only with questions, confusion, and a hope the spark will reignite, let her go and get distance.

otherwise you will end up getting your hopes up and then let down everytime. a vicious cycle that only ends in sadness and or anger. when you finnaly agree to yourself it's over now, i just need to figure out how to fill the gap, you will be better off.

girls don't realize sometimes what they do. they don't realize men are very emotional beings too and get hurt very easily. they think being friends is the nice way thing to do after a break up. although most of the time they do it out of guilt becuase they feel bad...or still have feelings for you and want to stay in touch SOME way to keep that door open so to speak, but buddy close that ****in door cuz it's COLD out there and u need to stay warm and comfortable heh.

nobody is worth waiting for after THEY left YOU. it's hard, but it's the truth.

love is all about...timing. you could meet the love of your life for only 1 day, but then never see them again. it's just a matter of finding that love in the right place at the right time, to make it last.

love is blind, and also never wears a watch! ;) good luck...just get over it...time heals all wounds





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